"The flow of creativity feels like an avalanche of joy and wonder. Being open to that possibility creates connections with everything." - Feline Dreamers

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

Lightening Up

I’ve been experiencing negative self-talk lately (inside my head), and some of it is about my current weight. I’m about fifteen pounds overweight and have been for several months now. Just a couple of years ago, I was at what I consider my ideal weight for the first time in my adult life. I was certain that I’d continue to maintain that weight indefinitely. So what happened? And how can I get back there?

On a logical level, to get back to where I want to be I simply need to consume fewer calories than I burn. But like most women (and many men) in this culture, I have a complex emotional web surrounding my physical body, weight, and self-image. A wise healer, who also happens to be a skilled chiropractor, told me that holding on to extra weight is connected to an emotional need to feel protected from something.

In my case, my fears have surrounded money and financial security. Last year I left my longtime career (by choice) and began to rely primarily on others in my family for financial support. I never realized that it actually felt good being the breadwinner, having spending money in my pocket, and knowing that I was providing for my family’s needs and wants on a regular basis. Also, since we are now a family of self-employed workers, we no longer have the security of knowing exactly when the next direct deposit is coming and how much it will be. I’m an Earth sign, and I like to be prepared, especially when it comes to the basics: food, clothing, and shelter. Maybe I’m having a hard time trusting that my needs will be met. But they have been, for the most part, despite my worries.

I think now I’m ready for a change, ready to let go and release the pounds I’ve added through worry and fear. I’ve recently been purposefully letting go of worrying, and that’s working well. I’ve stopped eating sugary sweets as a way of dealing with stress. But I guess I also need to deal with those old worries that manifested as the additional weight. While I’m not adding new ones any more, I still need to consciously release the old ones.

I’ve done this before and can get there again. I know I want to be more consistent about my yoga practice, and get outside more often to go for walks. I already eat a healthy vegan diet; I just need to watch the frequency of snacks and my portion sizes. This will totally work, as long as I’m aware of supporting my emotional needs without relying on overeating or fretting about things I can’t control. It’s time for another transformation!

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

I like what the chiropractor said, resonates with me too! :) Jenn

Witchy Mom's Homeschool said...

You are really speaking my language today, Nikki. For me, I always need to find a balance. Part of it is releasing old worries and fears, and another part is the lesson to accept myself AS I AM. So, I had to come to grips with that number on the scale and OWN it. I had to LOVE my body as it is before the scale would move. Then it stopped moving. The next voice in my head said "stop looking at the numbers. Maybe your "ideal" weight is exactly where you are". This made lots of sense to me. I'm not taking that to mean I need to stay this weight, but that if I release the need to see the numbers move, they'll move (and whenever I release it, strangely they do!).

The next part is getting out of the bottom chakras. That's my next lesson.