You Are Part of It All

Are you feeling lonely? Fearful? Disconnected? Yearning for something but you know not what?

Step back for a moment, retreating from your feelings, just for the time being. Take a longer view, seeing the bigger landscape laid out in front of you.

You are made of the same stuff as the stars. You are a beloved child of the multiverse. Whether you can feel it or not, you are in deep connection with all that is: lakes and rivers, mountains, valleys, trees and rocks, soaring birds, crawling beetles, the sun, the moon, music, art, and yes, your fellow human beings, who also yearn for love and connection. You are worthy of love, just as you are.

Let a glimmer of hope arise within you. Nurture it. Fan its flames.

As you move slowly back into your present situation, let that little flame of hope grow. Allow it to move freely within you, lighting up your joys and passions, igniting inspired action. Feel its vibrations resonating throughout your being, and then follow where it leads.

Adventure awaits. Go forth and meet it.

Our Fun Feline Fae Tea Party!

So, when I found out about the fantastic Mad Tea Party being hosted over at A Fanciful Twist, I knew it would be a perfect thing to become a part of. Why, you might ask? Well, for several reasons. First, on the very day that it starts, we had already planned our annual Big Backyard Bash! And believe me, do we ever have some whimsical, fae, phantasmagorical, mad-in-a-good-way friends! Second, I have just been researching in my journals in order to write the preface to my book, Starcat's Corner: Essays on Pagan Living (you just knew I was going to sneak in another book reference, didn't you?). The time I was diving into was when I went to Vermont Witch Camp in 2005, and the theme was....drumroll please...Through the Looking Glass! So obviously it was all cosmically meant to be! So I present to you, for your viewing pleasure (whether or not you made it here in person)....Our Fun Feline Fae Tea Party!

First, we happened to drink some delicious potion...I guess that's how it begins sometimes, right?

Here is BlackLion enjoying the Stargazer lilies that are Quester's pride and joy:

We had some lovely fae feline folk show up for the gathering...

And even a Mad Hatter type!

Plus hoopers, dancers, and some of our musician friends.

There were people spread all through the backyard, near the fire pit, the tribe of kids playing football and having an epic battle in the field, a couple of visiting dogs, and endless dishes of delicious foods and drinks!

We even had a sighting of our friend Godzilla, though I don't have a picture...

Here's Dryst enjoying himself (and hamming it up):

I received some very cools gifts, even though it's not my birthday. One had a lizard friend on it!

This fae feline version of a Mad Tea Party really rocked!

A Blast From the Past

In the process of writing the preface for my book (yeah, it's Starcat's Corner: Essays on Pagan Living, hope you're not sick of hearing about it yet! hee hee), I was looking back over my journal from 2005, getting back in the mindset of my adventure at Vermont Witch Camp, which was when the book was first inspired. I decided to go back and read that entire journal, as it seemed to have been a time of great transformation and inspiration for me. I feel like I'm on the cusp of that type of radical positive change once again. I'm wrapped in my chrysalis, sometimes doubting I'll ever truly be a butterfly, but still catching dream glimpses of flight and deep blue skies.

So, this particular passage seemed especially relevant, and I thought I'd share it here. I even looked up the Rob Brezsny horoscope that I reference in the journal entry (thank you Rob for your awesome archives!).

Virgo, 10/6/05, by Rob Brezsny:
In his "MuseLetter," Richard Heinberg writes that Jesus "taught renunciation of ephemeral desires, fearless and carefree public behavior, and contempt for riches." This happens to be a precise prescription for those of you who hope to put yourself in maximum alignment with cosmic rhythms in the coming week. I suggest you suspend your pursuit of the relatively trivial goals that soak up an inordinate amount of your attention, and instead intensify your devotion to your single most important reason for living. This should help you lose your unnecessary inhibitions. It should also free you from any delusions you might have that greed is normal or that you need more than enough of anything.

Journal entry, 10/6/05, by Starcat:
My Brezsny horoscope for this week tells me to let go of distractions and focus on the primary reason I'm here. To which I was like, what? I have to choose just one?! Five of them immediately came to mind: to give and receive love (not just among humans, but all beings), to project positive energy to help with the birthing of the new reality, healing/Reiki, writing, and music (dancing, singing, drumming). How do I focus in on "the" thing, then? Or maybe the primary thing is my attitude, the way I am in the world, my mindfulness practice. I tend to get distracted by connection points, by relationships with other people, especially new people. But I should just be myself and do my Work, and let the rest take care of itself as I go. Which is, I guess, what Brezsny was saying.

Last night I was dreaming that I was soon to die, and I knew it. I was doing fine with it until I met some new people, one of them who, I think it was a guy but he was very androgynous, turned me on. Then I was talking to my Mom in the dream, telling her it was so unfair that I was going to die, because I couldn't make plans with this guy (and his friends) and get to know him/them. So even my dream was focused on that, on the balance between doing my Soul Work in the time I have, and being in relationship with others. The Work I'm called to do has elements of both, which is good, because I believe in "moderation in all things."

The things that stuck out from the entry were that the very things I listed as my "primary reasons" are now what I do much of the time! Writing, music (drumming in particular), and Reiki are a big part of my life, and the work I do for Feline Dreamers is all about helping bring the new consciousness to fruition. It feels good to see how I've been able to manifest my calling on so many levels. Sometimes it still feels like I'm only beginning. The other thing that I noticed is that I still feel this tension between relationships and inner creative work. It's one of the things I'm really working on intently lately.

I'm thankful that I keep these records of and for myself. I would never remember all this stuff otherwise. And I'm also grateful for the inspiration to do a bit of "journal mining," which comes from an excellent book I read recently, Harvesting Your Journals: Writing Tools to Enhance Your Growth & Creativity by Alison Strickland and Rosalie Deer Heart. Blessings!

Time Being Relative

I had an interesting experience with time today. We had a Dark Follies Not Just Rhythm Orchestra band practice this evening, outdoors in a lovely grassy park near the ocean. The group was working on learning a new song, and the drummers were asked to hold the beat while the guitar, violin, and accordion players figured out the melody and how it all comes together. It was a fairly simple beat pattern, one that we use for another tune, yet they wanted us to play it more slowly. This was surprisingly difficult!

I've been complimented by other musicians on my ability to "keep good time," which has seemed like sort of a cheat as it's something that came naturally, and also because I'm so new at this whole musician thing that I don't know if it's even true. For me, time and rhythm shows up as a feeling in my body (which does include my head, but not just in my mind, if that makes sense). I could tell that I was speeding up the pattern, and it felt like my hands just wanted to play it at the tempo we normally use. Yet if I slowed down on purpose, it sounded wrong or off or something.

When I expressed how hard it was to keep the riff slower, our music director nodded and laughed, like he'd been there before. Then he pulled out his phone and started up a metronome. I'd never played with one, but soon figured it out. What a revelation! Obviously, it kept me (and the other drummers) to a steady tempo. But the really interesting part was how it illustrated so clearly the subjective experience we each have with time.

Sometimes it felt like the tempo of the metronome was changing, like it had slowed down. It hadn't. Why did it seem that way, then? Maybe because of something I was hearing in the rest of the tune being played all around me. Perhaps my mind wandered off (a sample: "Wow, this metronome thing is so cool! It would be great to use in yoga, when I'm counting breaths in a longer hold...I wonder how variable each breath is, really; I mean, it works out to six deep breaths being about a minute, but perhaps that's just an average, blah blah blah..."). For whatever reason, I occasionally became distracted from the groove.

Now bear with me here, as I try to draw some parallels to life in general. When we're in the groove, feeling our own rhythms in tune with those of nature and the world as a whole, we cruise along, keeping good time. Yet when we get distracted, perhaps by those around us (the other musicians), or even by our own stories (mental chatter), we fall off the beat. Our timing isn't spot-on. And I'm not saying it always has to be. In life, as in the most creative musical collaborations, we can mess around with our own riffs and then merge back into the stream of shared time. The metronome is a guideline, not a law.  In one of our other tunes, I was told I was holding too firmly to the beat, and not letting it "swing." And I could, on reflection, feel what they meant.

Perhaps keeping good time has to do with knowing when to hold the line and when to go with the flow, feeling your way along so that you know when you've fallen out of sync. It also takes a lot of practice, so you can, as our director says, "internalize" the rhythms. Much like life.

Centered Amidst Chaos

It's summer! Our Summer Solstice here is Maine was accompanied by a lovely heat wave, so it immediately began feeling like the height of the season. I'm loving it.

I've been really busy with the Dark Follies show this week, with rehearsals, tech nights, dress rehearsal, and now, shows. Last night I sat on the floor in the big shared "green room" (dressing room) and did a bit of meditation before the opening night show began. All around me, I could hear the sounds of people getting ready for the show: the accordion player's snippets of tunes as she warmed up, dancers chatting about their acts, some of the other performers joking around as they nibbled on snacks. I let it all swirl around me as I reached inside and found my center. Connecting to my inner source, I drew upon that deep wellspring of energy and let it emerge into my body and my consciousness. I found it surprisingly easy to center myself, even in such a chaotic setting.

It seems like a good tool for daily life. No matter what is going on around you, just take those three to five minutes to just close your eyes (no, not if you're driving) and let whatever is happening, happen. Just let it be for a few moments and tune in to what's going on inside.

Interestingly, I found this harder to do this morning in a quiet house. My fears and worries seemed to grow a bit larger, and louder. I had a good cry, which is cleansing, and then was more able to drop in and be present. We are all constantly changing, so it will be harder sometimes than others to connect with your inner self. It's still important to show up and try. Be soft with it. Let go of judgement. Just be yourself. Just be.

Gems from the Past

In the process of writing the preface for my book, Starcat's Corner: Essays on Pagan Living, I went delving back into an old journal. I was looking to immerse myself in the experience I had at Vermont Witch Camp (VWC) in 2005, which was where the seeds for this book were first planted. I found what I wanted for the preface, and so much more!

There were things that I'd obviously brought forth from that time, like the book, but there were others that I hadn't realized were connected. One of those is music, and the drumming I heard that week has manifested as the drum performing I'm doing this summer. Unexpectedly, there were other glimmers of ideas that lit me up when I read them. There are a few that I'm pulling forward into the present. I decided to also read back over my journal entries from my 2008 yoga retreat at Kripalu, to see what else I might uncover.

Ultimately, time is an illusion, so there are connections within us to all phases of our lives. And in those significant moments when we are especially focused on our oneness with spirit, we may be blessed with many creative inspirations, so many that we can't handle them all at once.

Think back: do you recall a positive, transformative event that sent many ripples outward into your life? It might have been a retreat, but could also be your childhood, a vacation, falling in love, your wedding, having a child, or simply a time period when your inner world seemed to open up and flood you with energy. If you have journals, letters, blogs, or other writings from that time, read back through them. Look through your photo album. Place yourself back in the moment, and see what you intended. What goals did you set? What did you wish to carry forward? Have you followed through on those things?

If there are any goals or even seeds of ideas that capture your attention now, focus on them. See how they fit with the person you are today. If it feels right, work with them. Let these gems from the past infuse your present moment with their light. Let your inner self shine.

The Day That Wasn't

Happy Leap Day! I saw a funny photo on Facebook this morning, of a door to a business where the owners had posted a notice that since February 29th "isn't a real day," they would be closed for the day and re-open on March 1st. I thought it was a pretty cool idea!

However, since I have plans for today that would be challenging to alter, I think I'll make tomorrow my own personal "day that wasn't." It's supposed to snow here, after a winter without much of the white stuff, and our homeschool co-op has already been canceled. So tomorrow I'm going to enjoy a "time outside of time" kind of day.

I have some creative projects that have been wanting attention, and I'm very excited to give them some. I'll be working on text for our guided meditation CD, phase two of my Starcat's Corner book proposal, and a guest blog to submit to one of my new favorite websites, among other projects. Maybe I'll finally make my vision board for 2012! I've been too busy living it to put it on paper, thus far anyway.

I hope you enjoy your own version of the day that wasn't, whenever you decide to discover it!

My Heart Bursts Open

Back in the fall, I had a great session with a good friend who is also an astrologer. In fact, it was my birthday present from him. He gave me a personal forecast for the coming year, and in the process he listed several dates when the energies of each transit or conjunction would "peak."

This past week, I was looking through my notebook for something and I came across my notes from the session. The first "peak" for this calendar year was January 20th - which is the day when baby Ember was born! And it certainly was a powerful experience, being present for her entry into this world.

When Ember's Mom asked me to be with her during labor and delivery, she said "I'd like to have your calm, positive energy in the room." I was so very touched and honored, and of course agreed to help my friend. I'd never been a birth coach before, and since the process started sooner than her due date, I didn't have as much time to prepare as I would have liked. At times during the labor, I doubted whether I was helping much. I didn't really know what to say to encourage her. So I focused on things like bringing her juice and breathing and holding the space. I did what I could physically, which didn't seem like much, but I also focused on being present for her and the baby. I did a lot of energy work and, in retrospect, sort of a projecting of my own centeredness, though I wouldn't have known how to describe it at the time.

After the birth, my friend and her midwife both complimented me on the aid I provided. They felt my calm presence really helped with the whole birth process. Apparently my practice of presence and mindfulness helps others besides just me - quite a revelation!

This past week, the homeschooling co-op I'm a part of was having a big meeting. The group just started in the fall, and there have been some recent growing pains as we figure out how to effectively run things with over 60 families. There was some heated discussion over e-mail, and it was stated that everyone should come to the meeting and get involved. Up until now I've been teaching and helping out in practical ways (like cleaning, helping with a special event we had, donating food for a food drive, etc). I felt reluctant to enter the world of meetings and conflict and committees, but I felt it was important to attend and be a part of it. I went to the meeting reluctantly.

While I was in the meeting, though, I realized what my role was in this setting. Again, being a calm, positive presence was something I could contribute to this group, whether or not it was acknowledged as such. I left the meeting feeling inspired and called to get involved. Yes, I'll be meeting with a committee and taking notes and offering ideas, but I'll also be bringing to bear my own connection with the eternal, as best I can in each moment.

While I was trying to describe my realizations to my family, Ocean said "well, it makes sense, you always pick up on other people's emotions, why not use it to share yours?" Quester added, "oh, kind of like a reverse empath." That's it exactly! Now that I know how to center myself and be present even in a sea of feelings, I can then reverse the flow and radiate those peaceful energies.

It's not that I'm always perfect at being a shielded, centered empath. I'm still practicing that, and I've only just begun to work with this new way of using my energies, or perhaps it's a new awareness of something I've been doing unconsciously. I'm not even sure my current description of it will make much sense to anyone besides me (not that it has to, but I like to share).

This weekend, I woke up with some back pain centered between my shoulder blades. Right in the back of my heart chakra. Just where my faerie wings are attached. I was trying to figure out what was up with it, and Quester said "it's okay, it's just that your heart is opening up more." In a rush, the connection was made - opening up, emanating love and peace, being myself and sharing my gifts (even the intangible ones), with my community and the world. My heart is bursting open once again. I'm expanding. I'm excited to see where it takes me.

The Way Energy Can Linger

I have a tale to tell on this moonlit winter night. It's a true story, and it shows how connected we can be, the mysterious nature of life, and the way energy can linger. It's about my wonderful Mom, and she has kindly given her permission for me to share the story here.

Several years ago, my Mom was in a terrible car accident, four days after Christmas. She was in intensive care for nearly two months, had many surgeries and rampant infection, and was kept in a coma for much of the first part of her hospitalization. When she recovered, she had two more months of rehab, follow-up surgery the next year, and lots of complications that she lives with to this day. She's been called a miracle by more than a few folks, doctors included.

After she recovered, she had no memory of that year's Christmas, which we were told is not uncommon for people who have been through a serious trauma. She and Dad went to see the movie "Cold Mountain" the night after Christmas, but she didn't remember, and didn't really believe us until she later found the movie ticket stub in her coat pocket. Although Mom loved coffee before her accident, she hasn't had any since - she just doesn't like it anymore, at all. Our theory is that, since she was on her way to work at the time and always had a travel mug of coffee along on her commute, the smell of the spilled coffee must have a strong negative association in her brain.

Mom has always loved Christmas. It's her favorite holiday. Last week, she called me up and offered me a puzzle to figure out: since her accident, she's noticed, there is one Christmas task that she just can't stand. She used to love decorating her tree, but now it is something she puts off, and the feeling associated with it is one of dread and sorrow. She asked me if I had any idea why. She had also asked her sister the same question. So I started thinking about it.

The theory I came up with, upon reflection, is this: when she was in intensive care, I often did errands for Dad, who pretty much lived at the hospital during that time. After the New Year had come and gone, Dad said that he needed to take the Christmas tree out of the house, as the needles were getting really dry. He asked for help with the tree trimmings. So I went to their house, alone, to take down all the ornaments and the lights. I remember the feeling of that day. We didn't know if Mom was going to live or not. Christmas is her holiday, and I felt I might never get to share it with her again. As I put the ornaments away, recalling past holidays, I was sad and crying. I packed them away carefully, apparently along with a large dose of my sadness. I think Mom has been sensing that energy, and picking up on those feelings. She and I have always been close, and are often on the same wavelength. Long before cell phones and caller ID, we always knew when the phone rang if the other one was the caller.

Aunt Peg, who had noticed Mom's reluctance to decorate the tree, independently came up with the same theory, though she didn't recall who had put the ornaments away. She just knew that Mom hadn't done it herself, and that there was a lot of fear and sadness in the family just then.

The theory feels right to all three of us. This year, after the New Year, we're all going to gather and joyfully put away the ornaments, infusing them with new positive memories. I'll bring a smudge stick along, to cleanse the leftover sad energy. Isn't it amazing how energy can linger, and how people who are connected can pick up on each others' feelings, even many years after the event?

The Evolution of Halloween

It's nearly Halloween, also known as Samhain, and today we've been finishing up some of our preparations. We're a Pagan family, and we've always celebrated the secular Halloween as well as our spiritual observance of Samhain. Both of these have been shifting and changing a bit over the past couple of years, although with some of our old traditions still intact.

For Halloween, since the kids were small we've taken them trick-or-treating, usually with friends. Now they're getting older, and are on the border of perhaps growing out of it. Last year we drove them to a nearby town with a suburban area where they and their friends could all walk around together, without parents. Four of us Moms hung out together in a local restaurant and chatted about how strange it was not to be walking around with them anymore. This coming Monday's plans are still ambiguous, and I'm just waiting to see what, if anything, they'll want to do.

The focus now is the annual Halloween party that our homeschool group puts on. There are costumes, yes, and prizes, and lots of yummy food, and sometimes even a dance party. Our friends who host it are great about decorating their house elaborately. Kids and adults both dress up and enjoy hanging out together. Today we went out to get a few last-minute items we needed for our costumes. ElvenTiger is going as Wednesday Addams from the Addams Family, from the movies (she loves the original show, but Wednesday is closer to ElvenTiger's own age in the second movie). Dryst is going to be Charlie Sheen. Yup, really. Teenagers...

For Samhain, we either host or attend a ritual, often focused on honoring our ancestors. This year BlackLion and I are helping co-lead a ritual at the home of some dear friends. Quester, Ocean Mouse, and ElvenTiger will all be attending, as will some other friends who we've done magickal work with in the past. Dryst isn't sure if he wants to go. There won't be many (or perhaps any) people his own age there, and recently that's who he wants to hang out with. I don't think he's focused on his spirituality right now, and that's fine. He's going through a lot hormonal changes, and figuring out who he is, especially with his peers.

It's interesting and fun to see the evolution of the holidays in our family as the kids grow up. I was just saying to my Mom last night how fun it was to buy toys for the kids for Yule and Christmas when they were younger, and that we don't really get to do that anymore. But there are new traditions to explore, and some old ones that we all still enjoy. Happy Halloween and Blessed Samhain to you!

It Sounds So Simple

Okay, I'm going to share a profound bit of wisdom that I've discovered this fall. Are you ready? Here we go: when you stop trying so hard, release a bit of control and clinging, and let go, then things flow more smoothly your way. Sounds so simple, huh? And yet I don't think I'm alone in having to learn this particular bit of wisdom, by experience, again and again...and again.

I wanted to make some new friends this fall, ones who share my interests, laugh with me, and enjoy being with me. I also wanted the same for ElvenTiger, who had been growing apart from a couple of her friends, as they become teens and the one- or two-year age difference seems bigger. Guess what? The new homeschool co-op we joined has brought us both delightful, budding new friendships. I relaxed about my intention, and the universe offered us this vibrant new community.

I've been working to unite my career, my creative callings, and my prosperity, as longtime readers will know. I did a fabulous program of affirmations this fall (more about that soon, as I'm going to be writing a testimonial for the amazing woman I've been working with). Much of it was focused on letting go of old programming on money and allowing things to flow. And guess what? Some old blockages have melted away, my business is in an exciting stage of releasing new products and services, and while I can't (yet) say that my bank account is overflowing, new energies are stirring.

BlackLion and I had been talking about adding personal spirituality coaching to our services, without yet mentioning it to anyone outside the immediate family. A day or two later, a friend contacted us to ask if we did coaching. Why yes, yes we do! Now she's helping us to refine our process of coaching, while she (hopefully) gets the boost she's looking for.

For me, it's true that if you ask, you will receive. It's the part about allowing the answer to manifest that many of us seem to get hung up on. Why do we make it so complex? It's really very simple. I'm hoping I can remember that, but if I don't, I'm sure the lesson will come around again.

Even Though It Makes Me Squirm

I tend to be rather self-critical. I also often focus on what I *don't* yet know, because I always want to learn new things, progress, move forward, and all that. Focusing on my personal growth is my idea of fun.

So today was interesting because I got to observe myself the way others might see me, and was open in a new way to my positive qualities, the things that I am accomplished at and can shine while I'm doing. So I'm going to post about my observations here, even though I feel a bit uncomfortable tooting my own horn. Even though it makes me squirm.

I went to Eastern Maine Pagan Pride Day, which is about three hours away from where I live. This is the second year, and I go to volunteer, and because the people who run it are just so darn cool! I had planned to help staff an information table for two organizations I'm involved with, EarthTides Pagan Network (EPN) and Maine Pagan Clergy Association (MPCA). I didn't think to suggest doing a workshop, but someone who was going to do a guided meditation workshop had to cancel, so BlackLion and I got asked by the organizers to take over. And I also volunteered, as part of a three-priestess team of folks from MPCA, to co-lead the Harvest Ritual.

So, we arrived and set up our table. Then I was part of a panel discussion for new Pagans, or folks new to the area and the Pagan community here in Maine. I gave my personal story as a lifelong Pagan (though I only really knew it was called that since college, about 20 years ago), and then talked about EPN, of which I'm currently the president. I moved from that to an outdoor "classroom" to do the guided meditation workshop. BlackLion and I both talked about different types of guided meditation, trance, and shamanic journeying. Then I led five people on a guided meditation, while BlackLion drummed the heartbeat for us. We got some good feedback about the class. After that we got set up, and then I co-led the Harvest Ritual with two other experienced priestesses who are also friends of mine. There were about 30 folks there (and a dog). We all shared music, drumming, poetry, and it was a fun and magickal experience.

So I got to thinking about what I have to offer, as a spiritual being in her 40s. I drum and dance, call the directions, move energies, guide folks on journeys, speak coherently about issues other members of this alternative religion face, and share laughter and smiles. Actually, one of my favorite parts of the day was to take the basket of leftover apples, after the ritual, outside to share with the kids enjoying the playground. I love to spread love and joy and my excitement about life and the multiverse. Which, despite all I still have to learn, is really kinda cool. I offer thanks for the person I've become, and for the journey I'm on. Blessings!

Visited by Deer

I've been gifted with a visit from deer lately. On my birthday, returning home from a celebration at my parents' house, I saw a gorgeous big buck, traveling across the road in front of us, from left to right. He was in no real hurry, and we got to see him quite well. In the past I have usually seen does, or bucks when they don't have their antlers, but he had a nice big rack of antlers that I could see clearly. I felt it was a message from the masculine Divine, the God of the Woodlands. The visit brought tears to my eyes, at the time and when describing it later. I really wanted to give him a great big hug.

Tonight, nearly two weeks later, this time on the way to my parents' house, I had the feeling I would see some sort of critter, and sure enough, there was a deer. This time she was a beautiful doe, again moving left to right (which is auspicious), and taking her time, like she'd been expecting to see me, too.

I'm grateful for these signs, and look to some of the traditional meanings these beautiful creatures bring. Deer means gentleness, innocence, sensitivity, grace, alertness, and peace. It means touching others with healing and tenderness, which makes sense given my recent focus on my own health and also my Reiki energy healing service. Deer lead us into the wilderness, and into new adventures.

Ted Andrews writes, in his book Animal Speak, "Antlers are symbols of antennae, connections to higher forms of attunement. Deer with antlers thus can be a signal to pay attention to your inner thoughts and perceptions, as they are probably more accurate than you think." Antlers are also used as protection, and thus can show us that we need to gracefully care for and protect our gentle and loving inner selves.

Deer, and particularly does, remind us of our path of spiritual growth, and ask us to be patient with ourselves along the path. In Celtic animal lore, deer are often associated with the arts, particularly poetry and music. As a writer and drummer, and with my recent focus on my arts, this makes sense. Another bit of Celtic wisdom tells how the stag would lead troops of the fae folk on a pilgrimage through the forest. What an amazing and vivid image that creates in my mind's eye! Perhaps I can draw or describe it...

The deer's list of qualities also includes abundance, which is an energy I've been working with lately. In China, the word for deer and for abundance and fortune are the same. This is something BlackLion noticed right away on my birthday, when he quipped a money pun about "the buck flowing into your life" (rather than "the buck stops here").

There are many levels of meaning, and much to explore. I have worked with deer energy a bit in the past, having met them while on a shamanic journey, and certainly plan to spend more time with them now. Thank you, Deer, for blessing me with your presence!

First Harvest

Happy Lammas everyone! No, not llamas, although they are pretty cool. Lammas is the Pagan celebration of the First Harvest. Abundant early crops like wheat and corn are featured in the celebration - so homemade bread and corn on the cob, along with tomato dishes featuring fresh herbs like basil and cilantro, are often included in the feast. A friend of ours has an overabundance of zucchini to share, so our own celebrations this week will have grill-roasted zucchini as part of the menu. Yum!

Along with the literal harvest, we can also give thanks for that which we're harvesting in our lives. The projects that we conceived of in Winter and planted as seeds this Spring are now, perhaps, coming to fruition. They may not yet be complete, but hopefully we can see the energies coming together. It's time to patiently continue to nurture them as they grow. Not everything we've planted will thrive, so there may be things to let go, too.

I'm tending to some cherished creative projects that are still coming together. One big project that I thought I'd given up on has rallied and is progressing well, and I'm in the midst of writing several articles that I can visualize being completed in the next couple of months. I'm letting go of my expectations in other areas, and seeking some new options for financial abundance. What is your First Harvest? Are there things you're ready to let go? Are there others you will continue to tend carefully?

Blessings of Lammas to you! May your gardens thrive and bring you a bountiful harvest!

Dreamwork Transformation

The past few nights I've been doing some more new dreamwork as I sleep. Not like a dream in the conventional sense, but more like the dream healing I was doing last fall, which I wrote about here. This recent dreamwork is difficult to explain in words, but I'm going to try.

Oddly enough, it centers around part of the song "Kandi" by One Eskimo, a sort of bridge or chorus that was actually originally part of an older song, though I'm not sure of the history. The part I'm talking about goes "he called me baby, baby, all night long." I heard the song on The World Cafe on Saturday night, and since then it's been woven through my sleep.

As I rise up toward the surface, between deep sleep and dreaming, I hear that part of the song playing. And it feels like a spell or type of magick, and the word that comes up about it is "transformation." When the song-spell plays, I go through the process of transforming something within me...energy? old patterns? I'm not sure what it is, or how to describe it. It's a deep feeling, and it seems like a positive thing when it is happening. Last night I remember noting the fact that I was doing the "spell" backwards. The music was still playing as usual, but somehow it seemed like I had learned to reverse something, and that too was a good thing.

Sorry to be so vague, but I wanted to try and capture it here. The reason I recalled it was that I didn't remember any traditional dreams this morning, so when I was thinking about dreams, this is what popped into my memory. Don't look so puzzled - you already knew I was strange!

Proving the Rule

Well, they say the exception proves the rule. I guess if my blogging challenge was a rule, then the past week was the exception! I was so busy over the past couple of weeks that blogging wasn't the only thing that fell by the wayside. My yoga practice suffered, as did my daily journal writing. And it's just today that we've reclaimed the house from its somewhat, er, messy state.

Luckily, we now have a working camera, so we can share a couple of photos with you. The most exciting thing we've been involved with was the handfasting and wedding of a lovely couple who are dear friends of ours. I don't want to share any photos of other folks without their permission, but here are a couple with only my family appearing in them.

I called Water in the handfasting ritual, and ElvenTiger was my helper. Note the matching outfits! We're standing in the West, and you can see an example of the pretty dyed silk ribbons that decorated all the quarters of the circle. We helped dye the ribbons for Earth.

And here we are playing the drums for the procession. This photo shows us as we're about to exit the circle. From left to right, that's ElvenTiger, Quester, myself, and BlackLion.

We had such a marvelous time! It was a great joy to be able to share in the celebration of such a magickal and beloved couple. I'll write more later, but just wanted to say hello and share a glimpse of what I've been up to. I hope you're having fun, too!

The Study: A Background

I’ve had a few readers ask about the notion of “unschooling my Masters’ degree” that I spoke about in an earlier post. After some thought, I realized that I’ve been doing so for years now, and just hadn’t recognized it as such. I’m still not sure exactly what to call my topic, but I thought I’d share some background in this post. I’ll write more about where I’m taking it next in a follow-up article. Oh, and by the way, this post also explains the origin of this blog’s name, Starcat’s Study. Sort of a play on words, you see. Heh.

In 1992, nearly 20 years ago, I wrote: “What is this thing that I am so glibly calling ‘The Study’? Well, it is a personal study of topics that could fall under other labels. The problem being that I wanted to avoid labels as being too limited and stereotypical. But for clarity, I’ll tell some I considered. One is ‘Spirituality,’ but that makes one think of organized religion or groups, and this is much more personal. Another is ‘New Age,’ but that has such a negative stereotype sometimes, of flaky consumers on the latest bandwagon. ‘Occult’ is also a word with negative stereotypes, but of a less harmless nature. People equate the word with evil. Since I’m chaotic good, I avoided that. Something that I have called myself is a shaman, but again my own meaning of that word is very different from typical ones.”

After quoting one of my new favorite authors at the time, Amber Wolfe, who combines shamanism, New Age spirituality, and Wicca, I continued: “I am an Aquarian shaman, but a reticent one, and perhaps more a scholar than a healer. One way I feel I can help people is through writing, as well as helping myself this way. As I accumulate all this varied knowledge, I’m not only learning myself, but collecting sources and backups for theories and ideas for later writing. I still don’t know what form or forms this writing will take, but I’m still in the passive, data-gathering stages, although passive may not be the right term. I’m fairly active at what I’m doing, just receptive as opposed to creating and putting out a lot of things. There is some sort of synthesis of ideas going on within.”

Here’s a further description of the process I was beginning to undergo at that time: “The Study includes all sorts of different reading material I keep notes on. It also encompasses the experiences I have that I may keep in my journal or dream diary or whatever. The work that I do with my altar is one example. I’ve developed it into a sort of good-energy altar table with rocks, crystals, incense, candles, etc. It is a bit harder to document the type of work done on inner levels, but I feel it is equally important.”

A commitment to doing the work: “I do feel that I need to devote more time to this Study, especially maintaining a routine of meditating and doing rituals.” And in fact, five years later, in 1997, I started a daily spiritual practice that has carried on through to the present day.

A vision for the future: “There are certain elements that many different ‘magical’ or ‘religious’ traditions have in common, especially for inner work. A synthesis of some of these elements, as well as my own growth and enlightenment through practice and hard work, are what The Study is all about. It has already definitely helped me, and I feel that if I can eventually help others with it all the work will be really worth it. Not only that, but to me it is really enjoyable. Learning is one of the things I like best, and one of the things I feel I do best.”

And, prophetically, looking ahead to the journey of the next two decades: “ I realize (or think I do) what a big undertaking this is, and that there’s no way I’ll ever see all the related and vitally important information concerning it. But that’s all right. Guided by my intuition and guides, I will get what I need for it to continue to be successful for me as I need it. Making my own path, my own religion of one that fits me ethically, morally, and spiritually, is perhaps the best thing I can do for myself and the Universe.”

These days, I’m still on my personal path, and I’m now in a more active mode. I’ve made my writing and related creative projects my right livelihood. Through Feline Dreamers (with my partner BlackLion, who contributes his own wisdom from his journey), I have a venue to share what I’ve learned. I feel thankful and blessed, and I’m so excited to still be learning new things every single day. Perhaps this is more of a Doctorate program.

Water Shrine

The Elements, Part 3: Fire

The element of Fire lights the darkness of our outer and inner landscapes. It is in the faraway light of the stars, the life-giving warmth of our Sun, the Moon’s mystical reflection, the sudden flash of lightning, the friction of flint on steel, and the spark of passion in the belly. Fire’s direction is South and its time is summer at high noon. The colors of Fire are bright and vibrant: red, orange, yellow, gold.

We wouldn’t be here without Fire. The Sun brings us the warmth our bodies need, and feeds the plants that provide us with air to breathe and food to eat. The inner Fires of our amazing bodies allow us to digest and metabolize our food so we can fuel our physical existence. Since ancient times, Fire has been acknowledged in our myths as a sacred gift.

Fire is spiritual energy. Its heat brings us the things that fill our lives with joy. We feel desire for a beloved, expressing our love with passionate acts and sexual ardor. We are driven by our yearning to create, to bring to life something new and unique. We take pride in our contributions. We reach our for connection with All That Is, thrilling to our part in the divine dance of life. We smile and laugh, taking pleasure in the pure fiery energy of living.

When mishandled, Fire reminds us to respect its gifts. As individuals, we may fall into rage or obsession, burning with energies out of control. Those among us with fiery tempers are both admired and feared, sought out and avoided. Walking the hot coals of our inner Fire can require delicate balance. Around the globe, we feel the effects of our quest to harness Fire in the form of electricity and transportation without regard for the messes we leave behind. At the same time, we reap the benefits of technology, sharing new ideas and delivering humanitarian aid. Humanity is still in the early stages of learning to balance our use of Fire.

The tools of Fire are the fire-starters, that which we use to light a physical flame. This might be matches or a lighter, flint and steel, a magnifying glass to capture the Sun’s rays, or simpler tools like sticks and string. We use our skill and will to spark the blaze that will keep us warm, light our way, and remind us of the potent powers of Fire.

Amazing Epiphanies

I've had such a fabulous week! Remember when I wrote about working on increasing my self-love? On Valentine's Day, I had a realization that has led me to a whole new level of self-love and self-acceptance.

As I wrote on the Feline Dreamers blog, the inspiration for this epiphany was a phrase from a guided meditation from the CD “Getting Into the Vortex” by Esther and Jerry Hicks. Just by hearing this phrase - “you are precisely where you have intended to be, and the Source within you is pleased” - I was launched into a new and exciting spiritual adventure.

Every day since then, I've been buoyed up by the notion that I am absolutely loved and cared for, just as I am. The sun seems brighter, the days seem full of possibilities, and I'm smiling and laughing a lot. After just one week, I've already expanded so much. BlackLion and I put in several queries to literary agents about one of our books, which is a huge step forward. I had an amazing dream that showed how much I've integrated this new lesson. And my connections (with other people, the earth, the Divine) have become more direct and tangible.

I'm so very thankful for the blossoming of this new energy. And I'm also glad I put in the work, tilling the soil and planting the seeds over the past several months. I send out my gratitude and joy to everyone, vibrating outward in waves of love. Blessed Be!