A Festival of Inspiration

Blessings of August, and big Happy Birthday smooches to my lovely Leo friends, including of course my dear BlackLion, whose birthday is today! This past weekend he and I attended an amazing music festival. We went with the Dark Follies troupe, and had a fantastic experience there. The vibe was joyful and inspiring. After a very stressful week, it was great to be outdoors in a beautiful setting, playing and listening to music with a delightful group of people.

I'm going to skip the official Starcat's Favorites post this week, since the week is well underway at this point, but I do have a couple of links that I wanted to share with you. One is a song that seems to capture my experience of the festival. It's not even the type of music that was being played there, but it feels right as a description.

The other is something I've been working on for a while, but am now really feeling in my whole being. I'm finally (again?) coming to the point of understanding that I feel best when I follow my heart. I am often drawn to pleasing others, and find it enjoyable, yet to rely on the approval of others for my own joy is a recipe for depression. I am still delighted by doing things for people, yet my self-love is growing, and I'm no longer dependent on their attention. It's a good place to be in, particularly as I face some challenges along my path. The truth that it is indeed my path, and that I am the one in charge of it, is such a huge help. The other piece that is falling into place is that it doesn't have to be lonely. I can be fully in my personal power, and still connect with kindred spirits. Actually, that's the best way to connect, when I'm feeling uplifted and free.

It's a work in progress for sure, and I'm sure I'll still stumble now and then. Yet for the moment, I'm feeling empowered. Many blessings to you on your path!

A Blast From the Past

In the process of writing the preface for my book (yeah, it's Starcat's Corner: Essays on Pagan Living, hope you're not sick of hearing about it yet! hee hee), I was looking back over my journal from 2005, getting back in the mindset of my adventure at Vermont Witch Camp, which was when the book was first inspired. I decided to go back and read that entire journal, as it seemed to have been a time of great transformation and inspiration for me. I feel like I'm on the cusp of that type of radical positive change once again. I'm wrapped in my chrysalis, sometimes doubting I'll ever truly be a butterfly, but still catching dream glimpses of flight and deep blue skies.

So, this particular passage seemed especially relevant, and I thought I'd share it here. I even looked up the Rob Brezsny horoscope that I reference in the journal entry (thank you Rob for your awesome archives!).

Virgo, 10/6/05, by Rob Brezsny:
In his "MuseLetter," Richard Heinberg writes that Jesus "taught renunciation of ephemeral desires, fearless and carefree public behavior, and contempt for riches." This happens to be a precise prescription for those of you who hope to put yourself in maximum alignment with cosmic rhythms in the coming week. I suggest you suspend your pursuit of the relatively trivial goals that soak up an inordinate amount of your attention, and instead intensify your devotion to your single most important reason for living. This should help you lose your unnecessary inhibitions. It should also free you from any delusions you might have that greed is normal or that you need more than enough of anything.

Journal entry, 10/6/05, by Starcat:
My Brezsny horoscope for this week tells me to let go of distractions and focus on the primary reason I'm here. To which I was like, what? I have to choose just one?! Five of them immediately came to mind: to give and receive love (not just among humans, but all beings), to project positive energy to help with the birthing of the new reality, healing/Reiki, writing, and music (dancing, singing, drumming). How do I focus in on "the" thing, then? Or maybe the primary thing is my attitude, the way I am in the world, my mindfulness practice. I tend to get distracted by connection points, by relationships with other people, especially new people. But I should just be myself and do my Work, and let the rest take care of itself as I go. Which is, I guess, what Brezsny was saying.

Last night I was dreaming that I was soon to die, and I knew it. I was doing fine with it until I met some new people, one of them who, I think it was a guy but he was very androgynous, turned me on. Then I was talking to my Mom in the dream, telling her it was so unfair that I was going to die, because I couldn't make plans with this guy (and his friends) and get to know him/them. So even my dream was focused on that, on the balance between doing my Soul Work in the time I have, and being in relationship with others. The Work I'm called to do has elements of both, which is good, because I believe in "moderation in all things."

The things that stuck out from the entry were that the very things I listed as my "primary reasons" are now what I do much of the time! Writing, music (drumming in particular), and Reiki are a big part of my life, and the work I do for Feline Dreamers is all about helping bring the new consciousness to fruition. It feels good to see how I've been able to manifest my calling on so many levels. Sometimes it still feels like I'm only beginning. The other thing that I noticed is that I still feel this tension between relationships and inner creative work. It's one of the things I'm really working on intently lately.

I'm thankful that I keep these records of and for myself. I would never remember all this stuff otherwise. And I'm also grateful for the inspiration to do a bit of "journal mining," which comes from an excellent book I read recently, Harvesting Your Journals: Writing Tools to Enhance Your Growth & Creativity by Alison Strickland and Rosalie Deer Heart. Blessings!

My Half-Year Check-In

Is it hard for you to believe that we're already halfway through 2012? It is for me. So I thought I'd do a check-in on how I'm doing with my goals for this year. Not in a judgemental way (or at least, I'll try not to be that way), but more to see what's going well and how my focus could be fine-tuned for the rest of the year.

Air: I'm doing awesome with my writing! In particular, my book is now in production (I still just love saying that). That said, I have many more writing projects that want my attention. I want to put more focus on those. My music (which I'll put here, with creative stuff) is going well. Drumming with Dark Follies is fun and such a terrific learning experience. I took a cool art class at our homeschool co-op this spring, and want to do more with it. We have our homeschool portfolio review in a couple of weeks, and I think things are going pretty well in that area. I haven't gotten to the prose poem or studying yogic texts yet this year, though my studies in general are going along well.

Fire: I would say that I'm definitely making progress with my callings. As noted above, becoming a published author is going along well. I also secured a spot as a guest blogger on a very popular spirituality website; my post will appear in August (the first of many, I hope!). We're still working on getting the word out about Feline Dreamers; I get discouraged sometimes with the slow progress, but most of the time I just keep on building towards it. I'm definitely working on my self-love, though I am reminded to dive back into the use of affirmations, which I haven't been doing as much. I'm also doing well on releasing things that don't serve me. I think there is a teensy problem with the idea of only agreeing to things which feel like a passionate "yes!" - there are just too many of them! I need to slow down a bit and try not to do so much.

Water: Here's an area where the slowing down will help me to go deeper. I want to pay much more attention to self-nurturing, intuition, and connection to my guides. I do have a dream journal project planned which is going to be really fun (more on that in another post). I have been using my empathy to help community members in various ways, mostly in one-on-one settings, so that's going along well.

Earth: I've been loving the time I've spent out in nature this spring and summer thus far! Very grounding and energizing. Barefoot hiking is just so much fun, and so is doing my journal-writing practice outdoors. I have been bringing in little bits of money from my calling, but mostly it's been other work-for-money. I still need to make a big leap in the area of abundance. The same with health. I've made some progress, but then I revert to old habits (comfort food, for example) and forget to really listen to what my body is telling me. Some work to do here, for sure.

Spirit: My spiritual practices are going pretty well. Sometimes I forget. Don't we all? But for the most part, connection and presence are part of my daily life. I've been able to spend lovely time in sacred space, particularly with my Full Moon circlemates. I haven't done much yoga lately, and I want to get back to it. Shrines, altars, and the Wheel of the Year project are some other things that want my attention.

Well, that sounds about right as a mid-year update. I think the idea of slowing down and putting my focus on the quieter elements of water and earth will be helpful as I move into the second half of the year. I'm feeling the groove starting to shift, and connecting with those deeper energies. Mmmm. I like it.

How are you doing with your personal goals and intentions for 2012? How can you build on what you've been doing so far? What adjustments will help you be your best self?

Time Being Relative

I had an interesting experience with time today. We had a Dark Follies Not Just Rhythm Orchestra band practice this evening, outdoors in a lovely grassy park near the ocean. The group was working on learning a new song, and the drummers were asked to hold the beat while the guitar, violin, and accordion players figured out the melody and how it all comes together. It was a fairly simple beat pattern, one that we use for another tune, yet they wanted us to play it more slowly. This was surprisingly difficult!

I've been complimented by other musicians on my ability to "keep good time," which has seemed like sort of a cheat as it's something that came naturally, and also because I'm so new at this whole musician thing that I don't know if it's even true. For me, time and rhythm shows up as a feeling in my body (which does include my head, but not just in my mind, if that makes sense). I could tell that I was speeding up the pattern, and it felt like my hands just wanted to play it at the tempo we normally use. Yet if I slowed down on purpose, it sounded wrong or off or something.

When I expressed how hard it was to keep the riff slower, our music director nodded and laughed, like he'd been there before. Then he pulled out his phone and started up a metronome. I'd never played with one, but soon figured it out. What a revelation! Obviously, it kept me (and the other drummers) to a steady tempo. But the really interesting part was how it illustrated so clearly the subjective experience we each have with time.

Sometimes it felt like the tempo of the metronome was changing, like it had slowed down. It hadn't. Why did it seem that way, then? Maybe because of something I was hearing in the rest of the tune being played all around me. Perhaps my mind wandered off (a sample: "Wow, this metronome thing is so cool! It would be great to use in yoga, when I'm counting breaths in a longer hold...I wonder how variable each breath is, really; I mean, it works out to six deep breaths being about a minute, but perhaps that's just an average, blah blah blah..."). For whatever reason, I occasionally became distracted from the groove.

Now bear with me here, as I try to draw some parallels to life in general. When we're in the groove, feeling our own rhythms in tune with those of nature and the world as a whole, we cruise along, keeping good time. Yet when we get distracted, perhaps by those around us (the other musicians), or even by our own stories (mental chatter), we fall off the beat. Our timing isn't spot-on. And I'm not saying it always has to be. In life, as in the most creative musical collaborations, we can mess around with our own riffs and then merge back into the stream of shared time. The metronome is a guideline, not a law.  In one of our other tunes, I was told I was holding too firmly to the beat, and not letting it "swing." And I could, on reflection, feel what they meant.

Perhaps keeping good time has to do with knowing when to hold the line and when to go with the flow, feeling your way along so that you know when you've fallen out of sync. It also takes a lot of practice, so you can, as our director says, "internalize" the rhythms. Much like life.

Why Drumming Helps With My Writing

Feline Drummers at the Watch City Festival in Waltham, MA

5/12/12

photo by Jennifer Wright Owen

Elven Tiger and I are taking a drawing class at our homeschool co-op, based on the book "Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain" by Betty Edwards. At this point in my life, I've done lots of meditation, yoga, and other practices that enable me to enter the alpha state at will. So I'm finding it relatively easy to slip into that right-brain mode as I draw, even though I'm far from an accomplished artist. I'm having fun sketching, with no expectations about the outcome.

In recent years I've become pretty pleased with my writing ability. (It still makes me squirm a bit to even say something like that - but I've got a book contract, so I guess I can toot my own horn just a bit). Of course, there's always room for improvement, and that's part of the fun of the writing craft. Interestingly, the thing that has had the biggest impact on my writing lately is my drumming.

I started playing the djembe a few years ago. Self-taught (aside from a couple of workshops here and there), sitting round the fire, groovin' in a hippie drum circle sort of way. Then BlackLion and I got asked to drum for the first Dark Follies street performance in 2008. At first playing with Dark Follies was perfect for our improv-style messing around, but then some of the dancers wanted something a bit more traditional. Other drummers came in, and one excellent drummer, Stephen, became the lead musician. He's done a lot of training and practice, and it shows. The quality of Dark Follies' music improved. At that point BlackLion and I almost quit, both because of our lack of experience with the more traditional tunes, and also because we got busy with other things, like writing and creating offerings and wares for our business.

BlackLion had done more drumming than me, so he wasn't really intimidated. I was frustrated with my seeming inability to remember the various beats by name. "We'll play a slow maqsum, then transition into masmoodi" sounded Greek to me. My left brain just wasn't getting it - but if they could show me the riff, I could play along with no problem. With BlackLion's urging, and being drawn in by the cool folks in the troupe, we got more involved again last year.

This fall, our fearless leader decided that we should form a real band, and add melodic instruments. Thus we became the Dark Follies Not Just Rhythm Orchestra. It's been a truly incredible learning experience! I love playing with a band. I've never considered myself a musician - that was always Quester's realm, and BlackLion's. But now I'm feeling it. And the lessons I've learned are invaluable in boosting my other creative pursuits - including my biggest passion, writing. How?

Well, what I've struggled with most in becoming a "real" drummer is the connection between the left brain and the right brain. Both are needed in this gig. The right brain stuff is easy for me. I can keep the beat and get into the groove (Quester tells me that keeping a steady beat is a fairly rare talent, but I just feel it in my body and go with it). The left brain connection to that has been a challenge - learning the various beats by name, primarily. When I say a challenge, I mean one of those fun brain-bending "I can do this, I know I can!" sort of challenges. And it seems to be working! The connection with writing is that it's becoming easier for me to move from the idea phase, where I'm imagining a piece and brainstorming its components (right brain), to the actual execution of it (left brain).

I feel like I'm a symphony, sometimes, as I open up and creatively express what's in my heart. And whether my composition is made up of words or drumbeats, I'm in the moment, awake and aware, yet deeply immersed in the flow. I have a long way to go with my music, but again, that's part of the fun of the craft. I'm excited about the expansion and discovery - and delighted that all parts of my life are being uplifted in the process.

My Busy-ness

Over the past few weeks, I've come up with a bunch of ideas of things to post here, but haven't actually sat down to write them up. Why? I'm busy. I know, lame excuse, everyone's busy, you hear it all the time. This isn't the type of busy I've had in the past, though, where I was stressed out and overwhelmed. For the most part, it's been stuff that I want to do, creative and fun things that keep me on the go. This movement fits well with the energy of spring, and feels like it's part of the forward momentum that we've been enjoying in regard to Feline Dreamers and living our dreams. So what exactly have I been up to?

Unschooling: I've been spending time with my kids and their friends, which also includes some of my friends. We hosted last week's homeschool group (since our usual hosts are traveling), and have been teaching a cooking class with BlackLion at our weekly co-op. I'm also taking an art class with ElvenTiger at co-op. With teens, there's also a lot of chauffeuring them around. ElvenTiger has her weekly swim class, and hangouts with friends. Dryst is now in a very busy lacrosse season, with practices and/or games every day but Sunday. He's also been to a couple of concerts with his friends lately, Seether being the most recent.

 Writing and editing: I've been working on putting together my book, which I'm still extremely thrilled about! As well as writing articles, keeping journals, and editing scripts for our guided meditation CD. I'm thankful for all the creativity that is flowing through me!

Drumming: My involvement with Dark Follies has really ramped up. We have lots of rehearsals and gigs, plus my own drum practice. I'm a bit intimidated, as I still don't feel like a "real musician" sometimes. But I'm learning so much, and really enjoying the process! BlackLion and I are even creating a skit for the June stage show - faeries will be involved. Tee hee!

Socializing with family and friends: Aunt Peg is doing much better, and I'm so thankful! We've still been helping her with laundry and other tasks. It's also fun to visit with her more often, and we plan to keep it up. We do our weekly evening with Mom and Dad, which is always fun, plus lately we've hung out with my brother and his wife for a birthday gathering, and we have some regular role-playing games that we're a part of as well. And cats to snuggle, of course!

Cooking...and uncooking: Inspired by some friends at Life Rocks!, BlackLion and I have been adding more raw and living foods to our diet. It feels challenging to fit this in with the desires of the rest of the family (for their usual meals) and adapt to the high cost of some of the items. I feel like if I was just preparing foods for myself, I could easily eat all or mostly raw foods. But I'm taking my own advice and practicing "vibe first, then act," setting an intention to eat more healthfully and letting it unfold naturally.

Healing: I have a new Reiki client, and really enjoyed working with her at my home. Usually I make house calls to my clients' homes, but she prefers coming to me, and it's working well.

Radio: I've been doing some on-air shifts at the public radio station, helping them out when people need time off and earning some extra money in the process.

Connecting: Even though I've been busy, I've been making an effort to get on Facebook and make contact with folks there. I have lots of ideas that I'm excited to share! And I'm giving attention to my various daily practices that help connect me with the energy of the Divine.

Even so, there is much correspondence unfinished, a long-intended visit to a friend and her baby that hasn't happened yet, and new plans in the works for our Full Moon circle. I'd also love to do more yoga and walking, moving my body more deliberately. And I'm ready for more prosperity to flow in and help us with our monthly bills. Overall, though, I'm thankful for the busy-ness of a fulfilling life. Bring it on, world, I'm ready!

What about you? What have you been doing so far this spring?

Traveling Beyond Words

Sometimes there are things that I'm thinking or feeling or dreaming that just can't be communicated with words. Does that ever happen for you? Like those dreams that stir me awake, but I can't write them in my dream journal because there's really no plot or setting or characters, just a sort of indescribable awareness. Or a feeling that arises that presents an odd combination of emotions, like an uplifting sadness or a poignant fey anger - see, just trying to write them down here isn't really capturing them at all.

The other night BlackLion and I went to a kirtan at a local yoga studio. I've been to kirtan events there before, and the organizers are just amazing. The event is woven together with storytelling - Hindu myths and personal insights and yogic quotes - in between the uplifting energy-filled chants. We brought along our drums this time. The theme was a celebration of Shiva, in honor of the upcoming festival Maha Shivaratri, or The Great Night of Lord Shiva. Shiva is the god of cosmic destruction and rebirth. We chanted to him and I joined in the drumming.

It was a powerfully transformative night. Without words, I was able to go deeply into the moment and experience the energies of the music. The chants do have words, but as they're in Sanskrit, I can easily just dive into the sounds. Much of the time, I was absorbed in the drumming and forgot to chant, anyway. I'd find myself just smiling and drumming, riding the waves of the music.

I recently learned that it's the long vowel sounds in chanting that bring us into an altered state of consciousness, changing our brain waves. It makes sense. When we enter fully into music, we transcend the normal chatter of the mind, and get into a meditative flow. In that space beyond words, I can feel the harmony of my spirit with the universe. I can understand the creativity that arises and seeks expression. I might even be able to bring some of it back into my writing and art, if I use just the right combination of delighted detachment and musing dreaminess.

The Spirits of Vaudeville

BlackLion and I are performing this week with the Dark Follies. We'll be part of a Halloween-themed show called "The Spirits of Vaudeville," at Lucid Stage in Portland this Thursday through Saturday evenings (we have to miss the Saturday matinee due to a previous commitment).

We'll be drumming with them as usual, but we'll also be appearing in our...ahem...feline forms. Oh yes, we're cats!

If you're local to the southern Maine area, click here to find out about ticket information. It's a very reasonable price and promises to be a really fun show! Come check it out!

Inanna, Sisters in Rhythm

My Mom and I went to a wonderful concert tonight. The performers were Inanna - definitely check out their website if you've never heard of (or heard) them. We've seen them before, most notably in 2004 just after my Mom got out of rehab after her major car accident. I remember that show particularly because Mom was still in a wheelchair then, and the concert was outdoors at an orchard, so I had to wheel her up the hill and through the grass. The drumming they do is so healing, though, it was definitely worth it.

Tonight's show was superb, as always. They are so inspiring! I love that they focus on encouraging women to play drums. And their new compositions are lovely - a bit more meditative and spiritual. Though they also played some of their upbeat get-you-dancing tunes, of course.

They are finishing up a new CD and are doing a Kickstarter campaign (the details are on their website) to help them raise money to finish it. If you haven't heard of Kickstarter (aren't I just a font of information tonight?), it's a very cool way for groups to raise funds (though, fair warning, there is apparently some controversy about how they choose their projects). That was how Starhawk raised the initial funds to get started with making her wonderful novel The Fifth Sacred Thing into a movie. But I digress. Check out Inanna, and support them. You can get a CD, be blessed in their prayers, wear some of their beautiful clothing that one of the members creates, or any number of other cool things, just for helping out. Drum on!

Drumming at the Edge of Winter

Last night BlackLion and I drummed for a Pagan benefit performance honoring the Winter Solstice, called "The Longest Night." The performances, which were excellent, consisted of dramatic readings of prose and poetry, storytelling, dancing and a sing-along. As Feline Drummers, we drummed before the official start of the show and during the intermission. I had a great time! Leading up to the event, we practiced the rhythms we've written over the past year and learned a new one, which was also a lot of fun.

This reminded me that I haven't taken much time to drum lately, since the colder weather. I'm not sure exactly why. I recently read Mickey Hart's Drumming at the Edge of Magic, which was inspiring. When I do drum, I get swirled away in the music and the moment. Learning new rhythms engages both my logical and intuitive sides, which is challenging and exciting. I'm still a beginning drummer, though I think now I'm perhaps at the advanced beginner stage. I'm lucky enough to have a natural sense of rhythm, but that only takes me so far. I definitely want more practice and training.

After performing last night, we got several invitations and recommendations, along with a bunch of compliments. Two people mentioned a local drum circle that we should drop in on, we were invited by a dance teacher to drum for her classes this winter, and some folks that we work with magickally want to add drumming to our next gathering. I think I'm being gently nudged in the direction of more drumming! First, though, I need to get through the rest of these holiday preparations and celebrations. Pa rum pa pum pum....

Oh, and an addendum to my book wish list - I forgot (at least) one very important book! I really really want to read The Teenage Liberation Handbook by Grace Llewellyn.

New Goals

I've been doing some introspection and re-membering, and I realized I hadn't written about my goals for this year (2009). I did this last year (click here to see the 2008 post) and found it useful. In fact, I just went back and commented on how I did on each of them.

So, here are the things I am focused on this year:

1. Writing. This is the year to become a published author. The vegan pagan cookbook is finished, as far as content goes, and will be sent out to prospective publishers soon. BlackLion and I will be publishing our core belief kit this spring, and we also plan to finish The Book of Ing. More to come!

2. Yoga. I will continue to focus on and refine my daily yoga practice. I will include more meditation as well. I'd like to try new types of meditation, and attend more yoga workshops and retreats.

3. Drumming. I will practice my drumming regularly, and perhaps take some lessons. I plan to play more gigs as well as play for friends and family.

4. Art. I am going to explore my creativity through various arts. One that I really enjoy is collage. I'd like to try some new forms, too.

5. I'm not sure what to call this one, though it encompasses love, joy and gratitude. I will tune in to the sacredness of everything. I am further exploring my spirituality, and having fun doing so. I will ENJOY life!

So Many Projects!

It must be fall - I'm feeling creative and inspired, and I have so many projects either underway, or in the planning phases.

I've got a few winter holiday (Christmas/Yule/Solstice/New Year's) gifts in mind already that I want to create. I can't mention them here, at the risk of spoiling the surprise.

For writing projects, the Core Belief Kit is still underway, plus I'm working on a chapter for a fiction piece I'm writing with two friends, a personal journal for my character in a role-playing game (based on Zelazny's Chronicles of Amber), and various other articles.

In the garden, we need to finish harvesting, then turn over and mulch the beds. We've got some garlic to put in, too.

With the kids, we're busily in the last couple of weeks of soccer. Plus our usual projects and interests. We got a bunch of new books at a library sale recently. The Maine Wholeschoolers (our unschool support group) will be part of a local art fair later this month.

And in about a week and a half, I'll be headed out for my yoga retreat! Wow, so much exciting stuff happening. Not to mention reading, visits with friends, yoga and more yoga, at least one drum performance for Feline Drummers, and of course the never-ending housework!

Wannabe Drummer

I'm sitting here typing and listening to Freakwitch practicing in the basement. I wanna be a drummer! I need to somehow make it a priority (i.e. find the money) to get the djembe I've been talking about getting for months. B. is going to give me some lessons. And my Mom is going to learn, too - we both want to get a drum soon. I really like B.'s drumming, both kit and doumbek. And I just feel like I have a natural affinity for rhythms and beats. That's always what I follow the most when I'm dancing. Sure, I groove to the melody, but the rhythm always calls to me. Ah well, for now I'm just a wannabe!