I've been away much of this week, spending some time with Quester's family, and it's been pretty intense. More about that later, when things are more fully resolved. For now, I'll just say that there have been many moments of sadness and tears, as well as those of joy.
Alongside these family matters, I've been continuing to work through my process of transformation. This includes releasing old patterns, rediscovering my self worth, and starting to explore some new mysteries. It's also intense, but rewarding. Since the festival, I've been filled with more confidence and power-from-within than I have in many months. I'm glad, because I'm able to use that energy to help my loved ones through some major challenges, as well as to fuel my own growth.
I returned home to a very full e-mail inbox, and so I've been sifting through, reading and replying to messages. I thought for now I'd offer you, without further comment, a few quotes that I've discovered waiting for me upon my return to home base. Enjoy, and blessings.
“Maybe being powerful means to be fragile.” – Ai Weiwei
"Love is the ability and willingness to allow those that you care for to be what they choose for themselves without any insistence that they satisfy you." – Wayne Dyer
"The best career advice to give the young is, find out what you like
doing best and get someone else to pay you for doing it." – Katherine
Whilehaen
"What would it look like to stop trying so hard, and start trying softer instead?" – Tara Wagner
"The flow of creativity feels like an avalanche of joy and wonder. Being open to that possibility creates connections with everything." - Feline Dreamers
Showing posts with label old patterns. Show all posts
Showing posts with label old patterns. Show all posts
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
My Half-Year Check-In
Is it hard for you to believe that we're already halfway through 2012? It is for me. So I thought I'd do a check-in on how I'm doing with my goals for this year. Not in a judgemental way (or at least, I'll try not to be that way), but more to see what's going well and how my focus could be fine-tuned for the rest of the year.
Air: I'm doing awesome with my writing! In particular, my book is now in production (I still just love saying that). That said, I have many more writing projects that want my attention. I want to put more focus on those. My music (which I'll put here, with creative stuff) is going well. Drumming with Dark Follies is fun and such a terrific learning experience. I took a cool art class at our homeschool co-op this spring, and want to do more with it. We have our homeschool portfolio review in a couple of weeks, and I think things are going pretty well in that area. I haven't gotten to the prose poem or studying yogic texts yet this year, though my studies in general are going along well.
Fire: I would say that I'm definitely making progress with my callings. As noted above, becoming a published author is going along well. I also secured a spot as a guest blogger on a very popular spirituality website; my post will appear in August (the first of many, I hope!). We're still working on getting the word out about Feline Dreamers; I get discouraged sometimes with the slow progress, but most of the time I just keep on building towards it. I'm definitely working on my self-love, though I am reminded to dive back into the use of affirmations, which I haven't been doing as much. I'm also doing well on releasing things that don't serve me. I think there is a teensy problem with the idea of only agreeing to things which feel like a passionate "yes!" - there are just too many of them! I need to slow down a bit and try not to do so much.
Water: Here's an area where the slowing down will help me to go deeper. I want to pay much more attention to self-nurturing, intuition, and connection to my guides. I do have a dream journal project planned which is going to be really fun (more on that in another post). I have been using my empathy to help community members in various ways, mostly in one-on-one settings, so that's going along well.
Earth: I've been loving the time I've spent out in nature this spring and summer thus far! Very grounding and energizing. Barefoot hiking is just so much fun, and so is doing my journal-writing practice outdoors. I have been bringing in little bits of money from my calling, but mostly it's been other work-for-money. I still need to make a big leap in the area of abundance. The same with health. I've made some progress, but then I revert to old habits (comfort food, for example) and forget to really listen to what my body is telling me. Some work to do here, for sure.
Spirit: My spiritual practices are going pretty well. Sometimes I forget. Don't we all? But for the most part, connection and presence are part of my daily life. I've been able to spend lovely time in sacred space, particularly with my Full Moon circlemates. I haven't done much yoga lately, and I want to get back to it. Shrines, altars, and the Wheel of the Year project are some other things that want my attention.
Well, that sounds about right as a mid-year update. I think the idea of slowing down and putting my focus on the quieter elements of water and earth will be helpful as I move into the second half of the year. I'm feeling the groove starting to shift, and connecting with those deeper energies. Mmmm. I like it.
How are you doing with your personal goals and intentions for 2012? How can you build on what you've been doing so far? What adjustments will help you be your best self?
Air: I'm doing awesome with my writing! In particular, my book is now in production (I still just love saying that). That said, I have many more writing projects that want my attention. I want to put more focus on those. My music (which I'll put here, with creative stuff) is going well. Drumming with Dark Follies is fun and such a terrific learning experience. I took a cool art class at our homeschool co-op this spring, and want to do more with it. We have our homeschool portfolio review in a couple of weeks, and I think things are going pretty well in that area. I haven't gotten to the prose poem or studying yogic texts yet this year, though my studies in general are going along well.
Fire: I would say that I'm definitely making progress with my callings. As noted above, becoming a published author is going along well. I also secured a spot as a guest blogger on a very popular spirituality website; my post will appear in August (the first of many, I hope!). We're still working on getting the word out about Feline Dreamers; I get discouraged sometimes with the slow progress, but most of the time I just keep on building towards it. I'm definitely working on my self-love, though I am reminded to dive back into the use of affirmations, which I haven't been doing as much. I'm also doing well on releasing things that don't serve me. I think there is a teensy problem with the idea of only agreeing to things which feel like a passionate "yes!" - there are just too many of them! I need to slow down a bit and try not to do so much.
Water: Here's an area where the slowing down will help me to go deeper. I want to pay much more attention to self-nurturing, intuition, and connection to my guides. I do have a dream journal project planned which is going to be really fun (more on that in another post). I have been using my empathy to help community members in various ways, mostly in one-on-one settings, so that's going along well.
Earth: I've been loving the time I've spent out in nature this spring and summer thus far! Very grounding and energizing. Barefoot hiking is just so much fun, and so is doing my journal-writing practice outdoors. I have been bringing in little bits of money from my calling, but mostly it's been other work-for-money. I still need to make a big leap in the area of abundance. The same with health. I've made some progress, but then I revert to old habits (comfort food, for example) and forget to really listen to what my body is telling me. Some work to do here, for sure.
Spirit: My spiritual practices are going pretty well. Sometimes I forget. Don't we all? But for the most part, connection and presence are part of my daily life. I've been able to spend lovely time in sacred space, particularly with my Full Moon circlemates. I haven't done much yoga lately, and I want to get back to it. Shrines, altars, and the Wheel of the Year project are some other things that want my attention.
Well, that sounds about right as a mid-year update. I think the idea of slowing down and putting my focus on the quieter elements of water and earth will be helpful as I move into the second half of the year. I'm feeling the groove starting to shift, and connecting with those deeper energies. Mmmm. I like it.
How are you doing with your personal goals and intentions for 2012? How can you build on what you've been doing so far? What adjustments will help you be your best self?
Saturday, June 09, 2012
Starcat's Favorites: Rising to the Challenge
So you'd think I'd be riding high on the waves of having submitted my book manuscript, feeling uplifted and happy - and part of me is. And yet the end of this week, after the Venus transit, proved to be pretty challenging. My thoughts and feelings have been all jumbled, and I feel out of place (and even invisible) in my daily life. I'm finding the energies emerging from the recent astrological events to be kind of a bumpy ride. I'm working on smoothing it out.
Meanwhile, here are some of my favorites from the week, things that helped me get through. If you're having a bit of an internal crisis, too, perhaps some of them will inspire you.
You can deal with conflict compassionately, even when you're feeling awful. Slow down and try these tips.
Getting overwhelmed? Walk away from the to-do list. Even if only for a while.
The Law of Attraction works. But it might not always feel that way - it takes practice.
If you're not in the mood for tips or tools, how about some poetry that speaks to the heart full of longing?
I'm very excited for another blogger and author whose new book is now out! Check out her amazing story (just follow the links in her post).
I guess that's it for now. Let me know how you liked the links, and whether you have some of your own to share, in the comments. Have a lovely day!
Meanwhile, here are some of my favorites from the week, things that helped me get through. If you're having a bit of an internal crisis, too, perhaps some of them will inspire you.
You can deal with conflict compassionately, even when you're feeling awful. Slow down and try these tips.
Getting overwhelmed? Walk away from the to-do list. Even if only for a while.
The Law of Attraction works. But it might not always feel that way - it takes practice.
If you're not in the mood for tips or tools, how about some poetry that speaks to the heart full of longing?
I'm very excited for another blogger and author whose new book is now out! Check out her amazing story (just follow the links in her post).
I guess that's it for now. Let me know how you liked the links, and whether you have some of your own to share, in the comments. Have a lovely day!
Monday, April 16, 2012
Shining From the Inside Out
Note: I wrote this article a few weeks ago, as a "guest blog" submission for Kind Over Matter. I haven't heard back from them yet, so I decided to post it here instead. I haven't given up on posting for them - I love that site! - but I'll craft something new when the inspiration strikes.
I have a bit of wisdom to share, but it might not be something you want to hear. I know I had some trouble accepting it, and still do on some days. But nevertheless, here it is: kindness begins with being kind to yourself.
I know. It's easy to be kind to other people, much of the time anyway. But to myself? I tend to take myself for granted, or worse, focus on all my flaws, unfulfilled potential, and the things I should have done. Even in the realm of self-care, there are often more "shoulds" (as in, I should have done my yoga today, I should have planned more down time this week so I wouldn't be so frazzled, I should take my vitamins) than there are moments of actual nurturing.
Still, I am discovering that kindness that doesn't start with love for yourself simply isn't sustainable. It's a matter of learning to see yourself as a blessing, to appreciate the beauty, wonder, joy, and love that are at your core. We are not taught to do this. We're urged to "for goodness sake, tone yourself down and be more like everyone else." We're taught to rely on others for validation of our inherent worth.
But that just doesn't work, not in the big picture. What happens when you rely on someone else to fill your cup? Even if they love you, they're caught up in their own experience of life, and they may not see your need. Even if you ask, they might not be willing or able to give you just what you want, when you want it.
And the asking can be hard. Recently I've noticed how easy it is for me to ask for help on behalf of others, and how quickly that falls apart when it's for me. Last week we had a huge early-March snowstorm, after a fairly light winter. I had no problem asking my husband, the next day, to drive to my parents' house and clear their walkways. I was about to go get groceries, and I didn't feel like clearing off my car and getting all snowy. He noticed that I was sighing about it, and posed a very simple question: "why don't you just ask me to do it, on my way out?"
Why not, indeed? If you're like me, though, you don't want to have to ask. Why can't someone just know what I need? Well, guess what? Someone does: me - my own inner voice, my intuition. And I can avoid all the expectations and disappointment by getting clear about my needs, providing them myself when that makes the most sense, and asking for help when I want it. It sounds simple, right?
Really, even in the closest of partnerships (with lovers, friends, family, or colleagues), isn't it best to come to your loved one from a place of joy and sharing, rather than one of neediness and lack? When you feel needy, go within. Stop what you're doing and just listen. That deep longing is a sign that you're disconnected from who you truly are. You've gotten cut off from your powerful inner source of energy and love. Don't fault yourself for it. We all do it. We're human.
No one's perfect. Being kind to yourself takes lots of practice. You'll fall down, and get back up again. There will be days when you wish Prince Charming would ride in and whisk you away, or your Faery Godmother would just show up and take care of all this crap, already. You'll feel like you don't deserve your own tenderness. But other times, you'll notice your cup is overflowing, and your light is shining especially brightly. You'll have more creativity, love, and kindness to spread around. You'll feel lighter and less guilty. Be patient with the process. Teaching yourself, gently, over time, to return again and again to your inner wellspring is the kindest act.
I have a bit of wisdom to share, but it might not be something you want to hear. I know I had some trouble accepting it, and still do on some days. But nevertheless, here it is: kindness begins with being kind to yourself.
I know. It's easy to be kind to other people, much of the time anyway. But to myself? I tend to take myself for granted, or worse, focus on all my flaws, unfulfilled potential, and the things I should have done. Even in the realm of self-care, there are often more "shoulds" (as in, I should have done my yoga today, I should have planned more down time this week so I wouldn't be so frazzled, I should take my vitamins) than there are moments of actual nurturing.
Still, I am discovering that kindness that doesn't start with love for yourself simply isn't sustainable. It's a matter of learning to see yourself as a blessing, to appreciate the beauty, wonder, joy, and love that are at your core. We are not taught to do this. We're urged to "for goodness sake, tone yourself down and be more like everyone else." We're taught to rely on others for validation of our inherent worth.
But that just doesn't work, not in the big picture. What happens when you rely on someone else to fill your cup? Even if they love you, they're caught up in their own experience of life, and they may not see your need. Even if you ask, they might not be willing or able to give you just what you want, when you want it.
And the asking can be hard. Recently I've noticed how easy it is for me to ask for help on behalf of others, and how quickly that falls apart when it's for me. Last week we had a huge early-March snowstorm, after a fairly light winter. I had no problem asking my husband, the next day, to drive to my parents' house and clear their walkways. I was about to go get groceries, and I didn't feel like clearing off my car and getting all snowy. He noticed that I was sighing about it, and posed a very simple question: "why don't you just ask me to do it, on my way out?"
Why not, indeed? If you're like me, though, you don't want to have to ask. Why can't someone just know what I need? Well, guess what? Someone does: me - my own inner voice, my intuition. And I can avoid all the expectations and disappointment by getting clear about my needs, providing them myself when that makes the most sense, and asking for help when I want it. It sounds simple, right?
Really, even in the closest of partnerships (with lovers, friends, family, or colleagues), isn't it best to come to your loved one from a place of joy and sharing, rather than one of neediness and lack? When you feel needy, go within. Stop what you're doing and just listen. That deep longing is a sign that you're disconnected from who you truly are. You've gotten cut off from your powerful inner source of energy and love. Don't fault yourself for it. We all do it. We're human.
"You can search far and in hungry places for love. It is a great consolation to know that there is a wellspring of love within yourself. If you trust that this wellspring is there, you will then be able to invite it to awaken." – John O'Donohue
No one's perfect. Being kind to yourself takes lots of practice. You'll fall down, and get back up again. There will be days when you wish Prince Charming would ride in and whisk you away, or your Faery Godmother would just show up and take care of all this crap, already. You'll feel like you don't deserve your own tenderness. But other times, you'll notice your cup is overflowing, and your light is shining especially brightly. You'll have more creativity, love, and kindness to spread around. You'll feel lighter and less guilty. Be patient with the process. Teaching yourself, gently, over time, to return again and again to your inner wellspring is the kindest act.
Tuesday, December 06, 2011
Being a Heart-Centered Entrepreneur
When I don't know how to do something, I study it. I've discovered in my studies of the past few years that there are many of us out here who are heart-centered entrepreneurs, creating purpose-based businesses. We want to help others, and to find ways to support ourselves and our families while doing what we're called to do. We're creative and inspired and passionate. This means finding what is known as one's "right livelihood." It also means finding new models of doing business, as the old ones just aren't a good fit for us.
But getting the word out about one's business still involves some form of the dreaded "marketing." The whole concept pushes my buttons a bit. It runs up against my long-held issues about being liked. I've released a lot of those concerns already, particularly as I entered my fourth decade a couple of years ago. Yet for some reason, selling my wares feels like a whole new level of vulnerability. I worry about upsetting my readers, my cherished audience, my "peeps." I don't want to be sales-y.
BlackLion and I are following the teachings of respected folks who teach about purpose-based business, like Christine Kane, Jonathan Mead, and Mike Dooley (we found some of Robert Kiyosaki's material interesting, but a bit too ruthless for our taste). We've been gradually working to build the trust of our readers and listeners over time, giving away lots of terrific free content, and creating products for sale that are targeted to the needs and desires of our niche audience.
Some people have told us that the economy just isn't good, that no one has extra money for luxuries like self-help kits. That may be true for some folks, and I certainly empathize, but it's not the whole story. Christine Kane herself, and many of her clients, are successfully making a living while helping uplift others so they too can live their dreams. We've learned so much from just the free material Christine Kane offers, and you can bet that when we have the spare cash, we're going to invest in her programs as well. We already have our own plans in place for how we'll continue to serve the community once our coaching services take off - a certain number of paying clients each quarter will be grouped with free and sliding-scale coaching that we'll make available. The plan is to make a good living in an ethical and caring manner.
Yet still I hesitate, which it comes to the part about asking folks to spend their money on us. It won't do any good to be well-liked if I'm out on the streets with no home in which to base my business - and those wolves seem to be getting ever closer to the door. In the survey we're doing, healing sessions are right up there in terms of valued services, yet I've had almost no response to my Reiki business. It really must be a matter of getting the word out more. If this sounds like I'm giving myself a pep talk, I am. But I'm not the only one who has these fears of self-promotion, particularly among the women I know.
I don't think Brent and I are overly pushy, and perhaps we're not even close to assertive enough. As the deadline approached for the initial discount we were giving on the 30-Day Core Belief Kit, I ramped up my courage and wrote direct e-mails to a few folks who I thought might really benefit from the kit. I was apologetic about even mentioning it, and one friend replied, "Whenever you worry about this, I hope you remember that some form of horn blowing is the only way to get the word out about this terrific resource."
I think people do understand that online contacts and social media are often used to promote small businesses. When I get free e-newsletters or read blogs, I enjoy the content, and the part where they make the sales pitch doesn't bother me. Many times I'd purchase the e-book or kit or whatever myself if I had the means. And I will, when I have the means. As Christine Kane points out, we're creating the new economy here, skipping the heartless big biz plastic products and selling to each other. Building ethical businesses, reaching out online, buying fair-trade and organic, shopping locally, and treating each other with respect. There must be room for positive marketing in this new, awakening world view.
But getting the word out about one's business still involves some form of the dreaded "marketing." The whole concept pushes my buttons a bit. It runs up against my long-held issues about being liked. I've released a lot of those concerns already, particularly as I entered my fourth decade a couple of years ago. Yet for some reason, selling my wares feels like a whole new level of vulnerability. I worry about upsetting my readers, my cherished audience, my "peeps." I don't want to be sales-y.
BlackLion and I are following the teachings of respected folks who teach about purpose-based business, like Christine Kane, Jonathan Mead, and Mike Dooley (we found some of Robert Kiyosaki's material interesting, but a bit too ruthless for our taste). We've been gradually working to build the trust of our readers and listeners over time, giving away lots of terrific free content, and creating products for sale that are targeted to the needs and desires of our niche audience.
Some people have told us that the economy just isn't good, that no one has extra money for luxuries like self-help kits. That may be true for some folks, and I certainly empathize, but it's not the whole story. Christine Kane herself, and many of her clients, are successfully making a living while helping uplift others so they too can live their dreams. We've learned so much from just the free material Christine Kane offers, and you can bet that when we have the spare cash, we're going to invest in her programs as well. We already have our own plans in place for how we'll continue to serve the community once our coaching services take off - a certain number of paying clients each quarter will be grouped with free and sliding-scale coaching that we'll make available. The plan is to make a good living in an ethical and caring manner.
Yet still I hesitate, which it comes to the part about asking folks to spend their money on us. It won't do any good to be well-liked if I'm out on the streets with no home in which to base my business - and those wolves seem to be getting ever closer to the door. In the survey we're doing, healing sessions are right up there in terms of valued services, yet I've had almost no response to my Reiki business. It really must be a matter of getting the word out more. If this sounds like I'm giving myself a pep talk, I am. But I'm not the only one who has these fears of self-promotion, particularly among the women I know.
I don't think Brent and I are overly pushy, and perhaps we're not even close to assertive enough. As the deadline approached for the initial discount we were giving on the 30-Day Core Belief Kit, I ramped up my courage and wrote direct e-mails to a few folks who I thought might really benefit from the kit. I was apologetic about even mentioning it, and one friend replied, "Whenever you worry about this, I hope you remember that some form of horn blowing is the only way to get the word out about this terrific resource."
I think people do understand that online contacts and social media are often used to promote small businesses. When I get free e-newsletters or read blogs, I enjoy the content, and the part where they make the sales pitch doesn't bother me. Many times I'd purchase the e-book or kit or whatever myself if I had the means. And I will, when I have the means. As Christine Kane points out, we're creating the new economy here, skipping the heartless big biz plastic products and selling to each other. Building ethical businesses, reaching out online, buying fair-trade and organic, shopping locally, and treating each other with respect. There must be room for positive marketing in this new, awakening world view.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Life is Creeping In
I thought November was supposed to be a time for rest, reflection, and renewal. Now I'm feeling busy again, and wondering what on earth happened! I knew we'd have a lot to do for Feline Dreamers this month, as we had our big CBK launch and all. But it seems that lots of other things are clamoring for attention, too.
The challenge is, all of these things are fun and interesting, like drum rehearsals, social gatherings, and soccer banquets (okay, those aren't so interesting, but they're for the kids). This week we're attending a homeschoolers' Thanksgiving feast, and hosting the monthly family potluck at our home. Both things are fun, but require a lot of extra grocery shopping, cooking, and cleaning.
I'm still longing for some "me time," and looking for ways to integrate it into my days more often and more smoothly. I want to revitalize my yoga practice, and spend some time on some personal writing projects, and daydream. I want to take walks before the snow pushes its way in for the season. I want to sit by the fire and gaze at the flames. I'm doing well with my daily spiritual practices, and I'm feeling pretty good overall, but at this time of year, I'm drawn to more. More introspection, more relaxation, more unstructured time. And to magick - our Full Moon ritual last week was so restorative for me!
Luckily (knock on wood) my calendar toward the end of the month isn't quite as full as this week's and next week's. Thanksgiving weekend is pretty wide open. I'm going to keep it that way, I hereby resolve. And I'm going to add "my stuff" to the big to-do list in my notebook. So be it!
The challenge is, all of these things are fun and interesting, like drum rehearsals, social gatherings, and soccer banquets (okay, those aren't so interesting, but they're for the kids). This week we're attending a homeschoolers' Thanksgiving feast, and hosting the monthly family potluck at our home. Both things are fun, but require a lot of extra grocery shopping, cooking, and cleaning.
I'm still longing for some "me time," and looking for ways to integrate it into my days more often and more smoothly. I want to revitalize my yoga practice, and spend some time on some personal writing projects, and daydream. I want to take walks before the snow pushes its way in for the season. I want to sit by the fire and gaze at the flames. I'm doing well with my daily spiritual practices, and I'm feeling pretty good overall, but at this time of year, I'm drawn to more. More introspection, more relaxation, more unstructured time. And to magick - our Full Moon ritual last week was so restorative for me!
Luckily (knock on wood) my calendar toward the end of the month isn't quite as full as this week's and next week's. Thanksgiving weekend is pretty wide open. I'm going to keep it that way, I hereby resolve. And I'm going to add "my stuff" to the big to-do list in my notebook. So be it!
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Recovering Perfectionist
Last night, after a fun and successful dress rehearsal for the show I'm in, I dreamed I could fly. It was the most vivid and exhilarating flying dream I can ever remember (and I don't have a lot of them). It felt great, like I was soaring above it all, having a fantastic time, trusting myself to the air currents and my amazing flying powers.
The kids both stayed overnight at our friend's house (the awesome one who hosts the homeschool group week after week after week) last night after the Halloween party. So I was a bit relaxed about getting to the homeschool co-op today, especially since it was the end-of-term review and party.
BlackLion and I got on the road by 10am, which is when the event starts. I said to him, knowing that we still needed to stop and get gas, "it's okay if we're late, right?" His reply was, "well, you're usually the one who's worried about that kind of stuff." "Oh. Well, I'm okay with it. Right?"
My phone rings. It's ElvenTiger, calling on her friend's cell phone from the co-op, and she wants to know where I am, and if I have her baskets (which she made during basket-weaving class). I do have them, but I'm still just leaving. She says they're about to show them off, and I realize I won't get there in time. Cringe.
We stop at the store, and while BlackLion pumps the gas, I pull out my planner and take a look, just to make sure I'm on track. Most of my stuff is on our online Google calendar, but I also have a paper planner that I can take along (my ancient cell phone won't do that stuff. It's from, like, 2006. Yes, really). I realize that Tuesday was my parents' wedding anniversary, and I forgot to send them a card, or even wish them a happy day. Even though I did talk with my Mom that day. Cringe again.
"Wow," I quip, "I'm in trouble with both generations! What a rebel!" Of course, there's no trouble. I call my Mom, and she's fine with it. She tells me my brother didn't call that day, either. "Well," I tell her, "but he's the prodigal son, and I'm supposed to be the good one." Laughing at myself and all the pressure I put on myself to be perfect. And aside from an eye roll, ElvenTiger doesn't seem to mind that her baskets arrive late, and as they sit on the table all day, they do get lots of admiring comments from other Moms.
As I tell a group of the co-op Moms at lunchtime, when we sit chatting about all sorts of interesting things, I'm a recovering perfectionist. We all commiserate on feeling that way. Many women do. We can get 25 compliments and one mean-sounding comment, and we'll remember the negative one. Why? We want to fix it all, have our lives be perfect...or at least appear that way to all our acquaintances and colleagues. But that's what keeps us distant from each other, at times. It's when we get real, admit our fears and flaws and failures, that we can empathize and really feel for each other. That's when friendships are made or cemented.
And trying to be perfect is often just a recipe for stress. Face it, no one can be all things to all people, not even (or perhaps especially not) our kids and our parents. That's why I've given up perfectionism. It's when we let go that we can really soar. I'm now a recovering perfectionist. How about you?
The kids both stayed overnight at our friend's house (the awesome one who hosts the homeschool group week after week after week) last night after the Halloween party. So I was a bit relaxed about getting to the homeschool co-op today, especially since it was the end-of-term review and party.
BlackLion and I got on the road by 10am, which is when the event starts. I said to him, knowing that we still needed to stop and get gas, "it's okay if we're late, right?" His reply was, "well, you're usually the one who's worried about that kind of stuff." "Oh. Well, I'm okay with it. Right?"
My phone rings. It's ElvenTiger, calling on her friend's cell phone from the co-op, and she wants to know where I am, and if I have her baskets (which she made during basket-weaving class). I do have them, but I'm still just leaving. She says they're about to show them off, and I realize I won't get there in time. Cringe.
We stop at the store, and while BlackLion pumps the gas, I pull out my planner and take a look, just to make sure I'm on track. Most of my stuff is on our online Google calendar, but I also have a paper planner that I can take along (my ancient cell phone won't do that stuff. It's from, like, 2006. Yes, really). I realize that Tuesday was my parents' wedding anniversary, and I forgot to send them a card, or even wish them a happy day. Even though I did talk with my Mom that day. Cringe again.
"Wow," I quip, "I'm in trouble with both generations! What a rebel!" Of course, there's no trouble. I call my Mom, and she's fine with it. She tells me my brother didn't call that day, either. "Well," I tell her, "but he's the prodigal son, and I'm supposed to be the good one." Laughing at myself and all the pressure I put on myself to be perfect. And aside from an eye roll, ElvenTiger doesn't seem to mind that her baskets arrive late, and as they sit on the table all day, they do get lots of admiring comments from other Moms.
As I tell a group of the co-op Moms at lunchtime, when we sit chatting about all sorts of interesting things, I'm a recovering perfectionist. We all commiserate on feeling that way. Many women do. We can get 25 compliments and one mean-sounding comment, and we'll remember the negative one. Why? We want to fix it all, have our lives be perfect...or at least appear that way to all our acquaintances and colleagues. But that's what keeps us distant from each other, at times. It's when we get real, admit our fears and flaws and failures, that we can empathize and really feel for each other. That's when friendships are made or cemented.
And trying to be perfect is often just a recipe for stress. Face it, no one can be all things to all people, not even (or perhaps especially not) our kids and our parents. That's why I've given up perfectionism. It's when we let go that we can really soar. I'm now a recovering perfectionist. How about you?
Friday, October 07, 2011
Order of the Red Shopping Cart
It's Friday, and the (fun but) busy week I've been having is catching up with me. I'm not stressed out, but definitely have a very full mind and life. Lists are my friend. I haven't done my "morning pages" journal writing for a couple of days (well, there's still time to do today's, but most likely in the late evening by the time I get to it).
I had a nightmare the other night, after not having had one for quite a while. It was about a huge giant of a man who was a serial killer. I called the dream "Control Freak," both because that's how he behaved, but also because that's what I think he represents for me - a part of my psyche that wants to be in control of everything, thus killing other parts of me, or at least threatening them. It's something I've been releasing for quite some time now, and with excellent results, yet those old patterns often seem most resistant just when you think you're finally done with them.
Overall, though, things are going well, and if this post seems scattered, it's just because that's where my mind is at today. Here is a sampling of some things on my list: taking kids to and from soccer, birthday plans for family members and friends (hi Libras!), getting my bangs trimmed, drum practice, packing up stuff to take to an event tomorrow, vacuuming, various writing projects all clamoring for attention, and more!
If you're curious about the title of this post, well so am I. It's the only thing I brought back from my dreams upon waking this morning. What is the Order of the Red Shopping Cart, and am I now a member? Shopping wasn't even on my to-do list! What can it mean? No time to figure it out now. Gotta go!
I had a nightmare the other night, after not having had one for quite a while. It was about a huge giant of a man who was a serial killer. I called the dream "Control Freak," both because that's how he behaved, but also because that's what I think he represents for me - a part of my psyche that wants to be in control of everything, thus killing other parts of me, or at least threatening them. It's something I've been releasing for quite some time now, and with excellent results, yet those old patterns often seem most resistant just when you think you're finally done with them.
Overall, though, things are going well, and if this post seems scattered, it's just because that's where my mind is at today. Here is a sampling of some things on my list: taking kids to and from soccer, birthday plans for family members and friends (hi Libras!), getting my bangs trimmed, drum practice, packing up stuff to take to an event tomorrow, vacuuming, various writing projects all clamoring for attention, and more!
If you're curious about the title of this post, well so am I. It's the only thing I brought back from my dreams upon waking this morning. What is the Order of the Red Shopping Cart, and am I now a member? Shopping wasn't even on my to-do list! What can it mean? No time to figure it out now. Gotta go!
Friday, May 20, 2011
Feelin' Sorta Bleah
We're in the midst of a long, long stretch of rain, drizzly weather here in New England. A lot of folks are talking about feeling dreary, too. Well, this week I've really felt it. Of course, I think hormones are involved, too (yeah, I know, probably TMI!). But anyway, I've been feeling pretty low-energy and blah.
My sister-in-law is here for a visit now, though, and that's been fun. She's a sweetheart. She just cut my hair, which gives me a little boost. Wow, I can see now! Pictures would be forthcoming, but alas, no camera battery yet.
Also, a dear friend invited ElvenTiger and I to her kids' performance this weekend. Normally we all try to go to each others' recitals, plays, games, and other events, but I didn't have the funds to do it this time, so she offered to pay our way. That'll perk up our rainy weekend, too.
Otherwise, I've been taking refuge in meditation and yoga and playing games with the family. And, of course, reading! Quester is cooking tonight. We're doing "breakfast for dinner." Gotta go now, my parents are here and I've gotta help get the table set. Blessings!
My sister-in-law is here for a visit now, though, and that's been fun. She's a sweetheart. She just cut my hair, which gives me a little boost. Wow, I can see now! Pictures would be forthcoming, but alas, no camera battery yet.
Also, a dear friend invited ElvenTiger and I to her kids' performance this weekend. Normally we all try to go to each others' recitals, plays, games, and other events, but I didn't have the funds to do it this time, so she offered to pay our way. That'll perk up our rainy weekend, too.
Otherwise, I've been taking refuge in meditation and yoga and playing games with the family. And, of course, reading! Quester is cooking tonight. We're doing "breakfast for dinner." Gotta go now, my parents are here and I've gotta help get the table set. Blessings!
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Stormy Weather
Where was I yesterday? Why didn't I post a blog entry? What about the blog challenge? Here's a clue.
Today is feeling brighter. The blog challenge is still on. I wish you bright and sunny skies!
Today is feeling brighter. The blog challenge is still on. I wish you bright and sunny skies!
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Getting Out of My Head
“Oh, man, you’re just way too cerebral!!!” my friend exclaimed as I offered the word “incline” as a clue during a board game (the word I wanted her to guess was “uphill”). The thing is, she’s right. Much of the time I can be up here in my mind, thoughts churning along, not noticing my surroundings. Sometimes this can be a useful thing, like when I’m coming up with ideas for a project or weaving together an article. But it can also bring up needless worries and stresses.
I’ve learned several techniques over the years that I use to counteract this tendency. One is mindfulness meditation, and another is my yoga practice. Recently I read Eckhart Tolle’s wonderful book The New Earth, and have incorporated his teachings into my practice. Just by becoming aware that we are listening to the voice of the ego, he says, we begin to dispel it immediately. Simply being fully present in the moment, as in mindfulness meditation, allows us to further our awakening.
Today, as I sat down to do my yoga asanas, I began observing my mental chatter in action. I’d been thinking about how I wanted to lose weight and was wondering what I’d done differently when I had done so before. I don’t mean the practical things like exercise and lower caloric intake, I mean the energies behind my behavior. What did I do for comfort instead of turning to food? Why does it seem so challenging to be aware of my patterns at all times? How can I avoid getting caught up in snacking while watching a movie with the kids? What healthier habits can I develop in order to cope when I feel stressed? As part of this quick series of thoughts, I decided I’d look to my old journals for clues. Then I realized that living in the past was part of the ego and instead decided to focus on simply being present as much as possible.
In an instant of intention, I found myself sitting on my yoga mat, enjoying some delicious stretches. I let go of my chattering monkey mind and dove into the moment, feeling the delight of the practice, my expansive breathing, and the sensations in my body. And you know what? Just then, getting out of my head was easy.
I’ve learned several techniques over the years that I use to counteract this tendency. One is mindfulness meditation, and another is my yoga practice. Recently I read Eckhart Tolle’s wonderful book The New Earth, and have incorporated his teachings into my practice. Just by becoming aware that we are listening to the voice of the ego, he says, we begin to dispel it immediately. Simply being fully present in the moment, as in mindfulness meditation, allows us to further our awakening.
Today, as I sat down to do my yoga asanas, I began observing my mental chatter in action. I’d been thinking about how I wanted to lose weight and was wondering what I’d done differently when I had done so before. I don’t mean the practical things like exercise and lower caloric intake, I mean the energies behind my behavior. What did I do for comfort instead of turning to food? Why does it seem so challenging to be aware of my patterns at all times? How can I avoid getting caught up in snacking while watching a movie with the kids? What healthier habits can I develop in order to cope when I feel stressed? As part of this quick series of thoughts, I decided I’d look to my old journals for clues. Then I realized that living in the past was part of the ego and instead decided to focus on simply being present as much as possible.
In an instant of intention, I found myself sitting on my yoga mat, enjoying some delicious stretches. I let go of my chattering monkey mind and dove into the moment, feeling the delight of the practice, my expansive breathing, and the sensations in my body. And you know what? Just then, getting out of my head was easy.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Releasing Self-Judgment
I've been focusing on self-love and acceptance over the past couple of months. It's been going well, overall. I mean, there are still ups and downs as I learn how to love myself. If you're someone who hasn't struggled with this, self-love sounds very simple. On the other hand, if unconditional love for yourself is a new concept, or has been an ongoing challenge, you probably know what I mean.
One thing I've been noticing over the past few days is when I move into self-judgment. Over the years of hanging out with friends with philosophy degrees, I've learned not to entirely condemn the idea of judgment. We need to be able to use our judgment to discern what we value, fine-tune our ethics, make wise choices, and discover our preferences. What I'm talking about is the negative connotation of the term: making our love or approval conditional, contingent on some action we may or may not take.
To use a common example, there's exercise. When I choose to do my yoga routine or take a long walk, I've noticed that I feel good about it. On one level, there's the release that my body and emotions experience, the actual "feeling good" part, which is natural and enjoyable. But there's another level. I "feel good" about myself, as in "feeling virtuous for having done this thing I should do." It feels like a false boost to the ego. It's like I've absorbed, on some deep level, the punishment and reward system so prevalent in our culture.
The reverse is true as well. If my mental to-do list includes something like writing an article or doing the laundry, and then my day proceeds in a new direction, I may feel like I've failed in some minor way. Usually the emotions are easily worked through and I move on, but what I'm questioning now is whether I can get rid of this layer entirely. I've somehow trained myself to listen to that inner critic, but I think it's time to send it home. This week, I'm working on not only noticing the impulse to judge myself, but also mindfully releasing it. It feels like a sigh of relief. Ahhhhhhh...
One thing I've been noticing over the past few days is when I move into self-judgment. Over the years of hanging out with friends with philosophy degrees, I've learned not to entirely condemn the idea of judgment. We need to be able to use our judgment to discern what we value, fine-tune our ethics, make wise choices, and discover our preferences. What I'm talking about is the negative connotation of the term: making our love or approval conditional, contingent on some action we may or may not take.
To use a common example, there's exercise. When I choose to do my yoga routine or take a long walk, I've noticed that I feel good about it. On one level, there's the release that my body and emotions experience, the actual "feeling good" part, which is natural and enjoyable. But there's another level. I "feel good" about myself, as in "feeling virtuous for having done this thing I should do." It feels like a false boost to the ego. It's like I've absorbed, on some deep level, the punishment and reward system so prevalent in our culture.
The reverse is true as well. If my mental to-do list includes something like writing an article or doing the laundry, and then my day proceeds in a new direction, I may feel like I've failed in some minor way. Usually the emotions are easily worked through and I move on, but what I'm questioning now is whether I can get rid of this layer entirely. I've somehow trained myself to listen to that inner critic, but I think it's time to send it home. This week, I'm working on not only noticing the impulse to judge myself, but also mindfully releasing it. It feels like a sigh of relief. Ahhhhhhh...
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Loving My Self
“You can never love another person unless you are equally involved in the beautiful but difficult spiritual work of learning to love yourself. There is within each of us, at the soul level, an enriching fountain of love.” – John O’Donohue
Since quitting my day job a couple years ago and following my calling, I've been focused on creating the life I want. I've been revamping old beliefs, learning to trust that the universe really will provide for me and mine, and becoming more fully myself. My specific wishes - for a steady income, an addition on our home, travel, and the like - have been refined to an overall desire to be happy. I've learned that when we focus on being happy, the circumstances we want will naturally flow to us.
Yet somehow there has seemed to be a blockage, something holding me back from the full expression of my creativity and happiness. Something that prevents me from allowing my dreams to come true. Just this week, I read the words of a woman who, in the same situation, had decided to focus on self-love. She wrote, "I didn't have to concentrate on being happy too much because I already was. I found, however, there was another factor in the equation. Unless you really love yourself and believe yourself to be a worthwhile and wonderful person, you will sabotage your happiness." Aha!
Self-love isn't something that comes naturally to me. I was a shy and awkward child and I absorbed a lot of that "I don't fit in" energy, and felt bad about it. These days I value the fact that I'm a weird and funky person. And yet I still tend to criticize myself a lot and wish I could do better - which works well for urging me to grow and change as a person...but can be harsh. And, apparently, can block the very growth I'm looking for. The author went on to describe how she had changed her beliefs about herself by writing up a series of positive statements about herself and reading them each night before she went to sleep. I'm going to try it. I'll let you know how it goes.
Since quitting my day job a couple years ago and following my calling, I've been focused on creating the life I want. I've been revamping old beliefs, learning to trust that the universe really will provide for me and mine, and becoming more fully myself. My specific wishes - for a steady income, an addition on our home, travel, and the like - have been refined to an overall desire to be happy. I've learned that when we focus on being happy, the circumstances we want will naturally flow to us.
Yet somehow there has seemed to be a blockage, something holding me back from the full expression of my creativity and happiness. Something that prevents me from allowing my dreams to come true. Just this week, I read the words of a woman who, in the same situation, had decided to focus on self-love. She wrote, "I didn't have to concentrate on being happy too much because I already was. I found, however, there was another factor in the equation. Unless you really love yourself and believe yourself to be a worthwhile and wonderful person, you will sabotage your happiness." Aha!
Self-love isn't something that comes naturally to me. I was a shy and awkward child and I absorbed a lot of that "I don't fit in" energy, and felt bad about it. These days I value the fact that I'm a weird and funky person. And yet I still tend to criticize myself a lot and wish I could do better - which works well for urging me to grow and change as a person...but can be harsh. And, apparently, can block the very growth I'm looking for. The author went on to describe how she had changed her beliefs about herself by writing up a series of positive statements about herself and reading them each night before she went to sleep. I'm going to try it. I'll let you know how it goes.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Riding the Waves
A dear friend of mine recently posted this quote on her Facebook status: "It's okay to not be okay." - Robin Benwa. On the day I read it, it was something I really needed to hear. Since the Winter Solstice, I've been noticing lots of ups and downs in my day-to-day emotions and stress levels. Other people have mentioned feeling intense energies recently, too, and it may have to do with the astrological tides or other phenomena.
On a personal level, I think I'm still recovering from the holidays and all the social events, and all the hard work I put into getting ready for the festivities. I'm an introvert, so even though I very much enjoy parties and gatherings, I need down time to recharge afterward.
The thing is, I'd felt so positive and strong during the dark time of the year, when I was focused inward, that for some reason my recent lulls felt like a problem I needed to fix. We humans often do that - if we don't feel happy and positive, we start to feel like something is wrong with us. We think we need to take action, to make immediate changes, to "get better."
Actually, our emotions are there to guide us, but perhaps not in the way we might first assume. Rather than rushing around trying to comfort ourselves, or making sudden, not especially well-thought-out changes, what if we just abide where we are? We can just sit and feel the feelings, and notice what associated thoughts they bring up. Rather than judging the feelings as "not okay," what if we just let them happen, riding the waves of our emotions? What if we just have a good cry when we feel like it?
I find that when I stop and listen, and take some time to meditate, the unpleasant storm of emotions begins to still. My feelings are released, rather than stored or blocked. If I let them go, it's easier to move forward. My usual state of optimism naturally re-emerges. Then I have the space to come up with inspired actions, from a centered state of being.
On a personal level, I think I'm still recovering from the holidays and all the social events, and all the hard work I put into getting ready for the festivities. I'm an introvert, so even though I very much enjoy parties and gatherings, I need down time to recharge afterward.
The thing is, I'd felt so positive and strong during the dark time of the year, when I was focused inward, that for some reason my recent lulls felt like a problem I needed to fix. We humans often do that - if we don't feel happy and positive, we start to feel like something is wrong with us. We think we need to take action, to make immediate changes, to "get better."
Actually, our emotions are there to guide us, but perhaps not in the way we might first assume. Rather than rushing around trying to comfort ourselves, or making sudden, not especially well-thought-out changes, what if we just abide where we are? We can just sit and feel the feelings, and notice what associated thoughts they bring up. Rather than judging the feelings as "not okay," what if we just let them happen, riding the waves of our emotions? What if we just have a good cry when we feel like it?
I find that when I stop and listen, and take some time to meditate, the unpleasant storm of emotions begins to still. My feelings are released, rather than stored or blocked. If I let them go, it's easier to move forward. My usual state of optimism naturally re-emerges. Then I have the space to come up with inspired actions, from a centered state of being.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Turning 40: A Retrospective
A year ago today, I turned 40. We celebrated with a huge party for the “1969 Club,” eight of us who all had our fortieth birthdays that year. It was an awesome bash, with nearly eighty people in attendance (and several dogs, too). I love birthdays. Today I’m having a quieter celebration, with family and chocolate cheesecake. I thought I’d write about how it went, this first year of my fourth decade.
Overall, it’s been really enjoyable. For a long time, each year has been better than the last. I’m a late bloomer who was an awkward teen and young adult (no high school nostalgia for me, yuck), and I really enjoy getting older and coming into my own. I’ve had some big challenges this year and much transformation. I’ve learned a lot about myself. Here are some details of what’s been going on.
1. The unveiling of Feline Dreamers. With the release of our new website last month, I’ve experienced positive uplifting feelings as I release my creativity into the world. BlackLion and I had been working on Feline Dreamers for a long time and coming up with lots of exciting ideas. Now we’ve put many of them into place and are on track to add even more Offerings and Wares to the site. The feedback we’re getting is overwhelmingly positive. We’re writing new material nearly every day. It feels terrific.
2. I climbed Mt. Katahdin. I’m not a serious hiker, but I do enjoy climbing mountains around Maine and other parts of New England. This summer, my daughter, sister-in-law, and I climbed the highest mountain in Maine. I’m proud of myself for accomplishing it and for feeling physically strong and fit when I did so.
3. I’m learning to follow my intuition. Someone wrote that our 40s is when women learn not to worry so much about other peoples’ opinions. That’s been a hard one for me throughout my adult life. I like to please people, to keep everyone happy, to soothe and play the diplomat and the hostess. I’ve learned that it’s truly not my job. I’m here to learn and grow and follow my own inclinations. Yes, harmony is positive – and it begins within.
4. My familiar died. Last October, my cat companion Mystick Quickpaw was hit by a car and killed. I miss him so much. We welcomed two sweet cat brothers into the family a few months earlier and they have been a comfort and a blessing. I still think of Mystick every day and wish he was with us physically.
5. I’ve refined my teaching skills. I was excited to student-teach the Elements of Magick class this spring. It went well. I’ve also been teaching and working with some of the homeschooled kids in my community. I’ve learned some interesting stuff over my lifetime and it’s fun to share it. And as always, I think the teacher learns as much as the students, if not more.
6. I’m learning to let go of old patterns and the need for control. The arena for this has been primarily finances. We faced some serious financial issues this year as a family. My reaction to these problems is the key to solving them. You can’t come up with creative solutions when you’re stuck in old ruts. I’ve learned to adjust my own attitude first and then take action from a more balanced and centered space.
7. I lost a dear friend. A close friend of many years, who I thought would be around for the long haul, is no longer in my life. I’m still not sure exactly why, although I think my focus on number three on this list plays a part. Some other friends I thought I was close to have pulled back this year, too, to a lesser extent. I’ve been more inward-focused, which probably has affected the attention I’ve given to my friendships (though the part of me that hasn’t fully learned about my third list item wonders if I’ve simply become annoying). That said, the next list item is about friendship in a positive context…
8. I’ve discovered, and helped create, new spiritual community. I’m part of an Elements Study Group, originally conceived of as a year-long project to explore the elements in depth. The group is rich in wisdom, laughter, and connection. It looks like it will continue beyond the original timeframe and I’m glad. I’ve also been involved in the Red Temple, a new Pagan women’s group, for the past year. It’s been a joy gathering each new moon to share our experiences. Lately I’ve joined in Pagan pub moots and fireside gatherings. Hmm, perhaps my friendships are simply evolving along with my spirituality.
9. I’ve revitalized my dream work. I’ve always dreamed vividly and I have kept a sporadic dream journal for years, recording dreams that are particularly significant. Over the past few months, after reading an excellent book on working with dreams, I’ve rededicated myself to capturing and studying my dreams. It’s proven to be a rich source of wisdom and advice for my daily life and spirituality.
10. I’ve enjoyed my home and family. Because my car was off the road until just recently, I stayed home more this year. I have such an amazing and wonderful family and we live in a cozy home in the lovely Maine countryside. The kids and I have settled into our unschooling life together. My extended family has helped me with love, support, and transportation, and I’m very thankful. I am truly blessed.
Overall, it’s been really enjoyable. For a long time, each year has been better than the last. I’m a late bloomer who was an awkward teen and young adult (no high school nostalgia for me, yuck), and I really enjoy getting older and coming into my own. I’ve had some big challenges this year and much transformation. I’ve learned a lot about myself. Here are some details of what’s been going on.
1. The unveiling of Feline Dreamers. With the release of our new website last month, I’ve experienced positive uplifting feelings as I release my creativity into the world. BlackLion and I had been working on Feline Dreamers for a long time and coming up with lots of exciting ideas. Now we’ve put many of them into place and are on track to add even more Offerings and Wares to the site. The feedback we’re getting is overwhelmingly positive. We’re writing new material nearly every day. It feels terrific.
2. I climbed Mt. Katahdin. I’m not a serious hiker, but I do enjoy climbing mountains around Maine and other parts of New England. This summer, my daughter, sister-in-law, and I climbed the highest mountain in Maine. I’m proud of myself for accomplishing it and for feeling physically strong and fit when I did so.
3. I’m learning to follow my intuition. Someone wrote that our 40s is when women learn not to worry so much about other peoples’ opinions. That’s been a hard one for me throughout my adult life. I like to please people, to keep everyone happy, to soothe and play the diplomat and the hostess. I’ve learned that it’s truly not my job. I’m here to learn and grow and follow my own inclinations. Yes, harmony is positive – and it begins within.
4. My familiar died. Last October, my cat companion Mystick Quickpaw was hit by a car and killed. I miss him so much. We welcomed two sweet cat brothers into the family a few months earlier and they have been a comfort and a blessing. I still think of Mystick every day and wish he was with us physically.
5. I’ve refined my teaching skills. I was excited to student-teach the Elements of Magick class this spring. It went well. I’ve also been teaching and working with some of the homeschooled kids in my community. I’ve learned some interesting stuff over my lifetime and it’s fun to share it. And as always, I think the teacher learns as much as the students, if not more.
6. I’m learning to let go of old patterns and the need for control. The arena for this has been primarily finances. We faced some serious financial issues this year as a family. My reaction to these problems is the key to solving them. You can’t come up with creative solutions when you’re stuck in old ruts. I’ve learned to adjust my own attitude first and then take action from a more balanced and centered space.
7. I lost a dear friend. A close friend of many years, who I thought would be around for the long haul, is no longer in my life. I’m still not sure exactly why, although I think my focus on number three on this list plays a part. Some other friends I thought I was close to have pulled back this year, too, to a lesser extent. I’ve been more inward-focused, which probably has affected the attention I’ve given to my friendships (though the part of me that hasn’t fully learned about my third list item wonders if I’ve simply become annoying). That said, the next list item is about friendship in a positive context…
8. I’ve discovered, and helped create, new spiritual community. I’m part of an Elements Study Group, originally conceived of as a year-long project to explore the elements in depth. The group is rich in wisdom, laughter, and connection. It looks like it will continue beyond the original timeframe and I’m glad. I’ve also been involved in the Red Temple, a new Pagan women’s group, for the past year. It’s been a joy gathering each new moon to share our experiences. Lately I’ve joined in Pagan pub moots and fireside gatherings. Hmm, perhaps my friendships are simply evolving along with my spirituality.
9. I’ve revitalized my dream work. I’ve always dreamed vividly and I have kept a sporadic dream journal for years, recording dreams that are particularly significant. Over the past few months, after reading an excellent book on working with dreams, I’ve rededicated myself to capturing and studying my dreams. It’s proven to be a rich source of wisdom and advice for my daily life and spirituality.
10. I’ve enjoyed my home and family. Because my car was off the road until just recently, I stayed home more this year. I have such an amazing and wonderful family and we live in a cozy home in the lovely Maine countryside. The kids and I have settled into our unschooling life together. My extended family has helped me with love, support, and transportation, and I’m very thankful. I am truly blessed.
Friday, March 12, 2010
March Madness
I have an interesting and challenging relationship with the month of March. I thought it was just me, but recently there was a post on one of my homeschooling e-lists about this very thing. I guess I'm not the only one who finds it difficult to make it through that last little bit of winter, until it's time to plant gardens, go for hikes, and do other warm-weather activities.
The transition from summer to fall is much easier for me. I was born in September, and love the harvest months and the slow progression toward winter. But for some reason, the crawl from winter to spring leaves me feeling tired and dull. I came up with a metaphor for it: I'm a night owl. I love to be up at night, doing creative things, and sleep in the next morning. Spring is like the morning part of the year. I feel groggy and disoriented at first. Can't I just sleep until June?
This March, at least, it seems a bit easier to get outside, as there's less snow and cold (at least thus far). I've been out for walks for the past few days in row, which has helped lift my spirits, both from the exercise and the connection with Nature. And I do have some good books to keep me company as I snuggle in and wait for my own energies to pick up on the feeling of spring.
The transition from summer to fall is much easier for me. I was born in September, and love the harvest months and the slow progression toward winter. But for some reason, the crawl from winter to spring leaves me feeling tired and dull. I came up with a metaphor for it: I'm a night owl. I love to be up at night, doing creative things, and sleep in the next morning. Spring is like the morning part of the year. I feel groggy and disoriented at first. Can't I just sleep until June?
This March, at least, it seems a bit easier to get outside, as there's less snow and cold (at least thus far). I've been out for walks for the past few days in row, which has helped lift my spirits, both from the exercise and the connection with Nature. And I do have some good books to keep me company as I snuggle in and wait for my own energies to pick up on the feeling of spring.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Competition Addiction
First the Superbowl, and then the Olympic games, got me thinking again about competition. Games, to my mind at least, are all about having fun. It doesn't matter whether you're viewing a big national or international match, playing video games, watching your kid's sports team, or playing a board game - it seems to me that hanging out with friends, enjoying some laughs, and perhaps learning something new are the objectives. I'm talking mainly about those of us who enjoy games for free, not those who've made a career out of it, like professional football players.
Yet some people get so attached to winning (or having "their" team win) that they make themselves absolutely miserable. If they are "losing," they yell and swear and stomp around. Not jokingly, but in actual angst! And all this for something they chose to do voluntarily, with their leisure time, presumably to have fun. So who cares if you win or not? You're hanging out with your friends, so relax and enjoy the experience.
I can't begin to comprehend why people would value winning more than having fun. I think there are probably reasons for reacting so negatively to a game, but I just don't get it. Seeing that behavior makes me wonder why they would even choose to put themselves in a win-lose situation to begin with if they know it's going to potentially be upsetting. I guess I'm just not that interested in feeling bad.
Perhaps competition is like an addiction. I just wonder if the high they get from winning is worth the low when it's someone else's turn to play the victor.
Yet some people get so attached to winning (or having "their" team win) that they make themselves absolutely miserable. If they are "losing," they yell and swear and stomp around. Not jokingly, but in actual angst! And all this for something they chose to do voluntarily, with their leisure time, presumably to have fun. So who cares if you win or not? You're hanging out with your friends, so relax and enjoy the experience.
I can't begin to comprehend why people would value winning more than having fun. I think there are probably reasons for reacting so negatively to a game, but I just don't get it. Seeing that behavior makes me wonder why they would even choose to put themselves in a win-lose situation to begin with if they know it's going to potentially be upsetting. I guess I'm just not that interested in feeling bad.
Perhaps competition is like an addiction. I just wonder if the high they get from winning is worth the low when it's someone else's turn to play the victor.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Change Can Be Good...Really!
In the past week, I've had no less than three people, all from my close community, tell me that my blog posts seem sad, or worrying, or stressed. Don't worry, faithful readers! I'm doing just fine. I'm continuing to learn and grow, and enjoying the process most of the time.
I mean, yes, I have been going through some stress, but I think it's really about change. As an Earth sign, I've noticed that when I start making changes, it kind of freaks me out a bit until I get used to the new positive habits I'm establishing. Going through the 21-Day Consciousness Cleanse helped me release a lot of old habits and thoughts. I paused for a while to let them pass, and maybe even mourned them a bit. Now I'm getting moving in my new direction.
The other thing I've been trying to do is to be more "real" in my posts. I like to share positive thoughts and feelings, but at the same time, life does have its challenges. When I think about the books and movies I enjoy, the plot most often includes some kind of problem or challenge that the main characters then try to overcome. So I've opened up a bit more, in order to share some of the less-than-perfect days (we all have them) and how I deal with them.
Anyway, here's a taste of some of the positive things I've been focused on recently: Quester's new job (he starts training this week), doing more Reiki sessions, learning new things with the kids, celebrating two friends' birthdays this week, an awesome teleseminar with Christine Kane, watching the cats play crazily indoors since it's too cold for them outside, hanging out with the family, reading good books, taking walks in the snow, and watching episodes of Legend of the Seeker. What's new with you?
I mean, yes, I have been going through some stress, but I think it's really about change. As an Earth sign, I've noticed that when I start making changes, it kind of freaks me out a bit until I get used to the new positive habits I'm establishing. Going through the 21-Day Consciousness Cleanse helped me release a lot of old habits and thoughts. I paused for a while to let them pass, and maybe even mourned them a bit. Now I'm getting moving in my new direction.
The other thing I've been trying to do is to be more "real" in my posts. I like to share positive thoughts and feelings, but at the same time, life does have its challenges. When I think about the books and movies I enjoy, the plot most often includes some kind of problem or challenge that the main characters then try to overcome. So I've opened up a bit more, in order to share some of the less-than-perfect days (we all have them) and how I deal with them.
Anyway, here's a taste of some of the positive things I've been focused on recently: Quester's new job (he starts training this week), doing more Reiki sessions, learning new things with the kids, celebrating two friends' birthdays this week, an awesome teleseminar with Christine Kane, watching the cats play crazily indoors since it's too cold for them outside, hanging out with the family, reading good books, taking walks in the snow, and watching episodes of Legend of the Seeker. What's new with you?
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Why I Don't Like Chess
I don't usually talk that much. I'm more of a listener, an observer. But I do think about things quite a bit. And when I've thought things through for a while, particularly if it's a topic that has piqued my interest, anomalies I've noticed, or an area where my personal philosophy seems to differ from the norm, then I like to share my discoveries.
I'm noticing, however, that when I choose to share my thoughts aloud, my friends or acquaintances often don't want to hear them. Perhaps they're caught up in their own line of thought, unused to me speaking up, or worse, they feel challenged by my assertions. Then they get defensive and try to refute or negate what I'm saying.
Maybe my approach needs to be fine-tuned. I like to help people when they seem unhappy, so sometimes the thoughts I share are offered from a place of "perhaps I can help" or "here's a different way to look at it." Of course, I could wait until I'm asked for my advice or opinion. But then the person asking wants an immediate response, and there's no time for thoughtfulness and contemplation.
The thing is, I really can't do the debate thing anymore. There quickly becomes a lot of emotion involved, and not the joyful kind. I had some rough experiences with this in the past, on serious topics, with much angst all around. Lately, these conversations have been about what I would consider "lighter" subjects, like how to watch sports without getting upset at the outcome, or how to teach kids about healthy eating without being coercive, but still...the debate-style talk becomes a strategy game, like chess, with moves and counter-moves.
Then it becomes a competition, and someone is "right" and thus "wins." The other person is "wrong," or at least "less right," and thus "loses." I don't want to be a part of that. To me, it shuts down the channels of communication through which we can share and learn from each other.
That's why it's so important to me to be a published author. There are many related reasons, actually: only those who are truly interested need read my writings; they read them in the privacy of their own home, with debates safely removed from my personal space; and I write much more clearly than I speak. There's also less pressure to respond in the moment - I have time to craft my thoughts so that they (hopefully) express the wisdom I wish to share.
So if I seem even quieter than usual, I'm simply saving it up for the next blog entry, article, or book. And if you really do want to hear what I have to say, keep reading!
I'm noticing, however, that when I choose to share my thoughts aloud, my friends or acquaintances often don't want to hear them. Perhaps they're caught up in their own line of thought, unused to me speaking up, or worse, they feel challenged by my assertions. Then they get defensive and try to refute or negate what I'm saying.
Maybe my approach needs to be fine-tuned. I like to help people when they seem unhappy, so sometimes the thoughts I share are offered from a place of "perhaps I can help" or "here's a different way to look at it." Of course, I could wait until I'm asked for my advice or opinion. But then the person asking wants an immediate response, and there's no time for thoughtfulness and contemplation.
The thing is, I really can't do the debate thing anymore. There quickly becomes a lot of emotion involved, and not the joyful kind. I had some rough experiences with this in the past, on serious topics, with much angst all around. Lately, these conversations have been about what I would consider "lighter" subjects, like how to watch sports without getting upset at the outcome, or how to teach kids about healthy eating without being coercive, but still...the debate-style talk becomes a strategy game, like chess, with moves and counter-moves.
Then it becomes a competition, and someone is "right" and thus "wins." The other person is "wrong," or at least "less right," and thus "loses." I don't want to be a part of that. To me, it shuts down the channels of communication through which we can share and learn from each other.
That's why it's so important to me to be a published author. There are many related reasons, actually: only those who are truly interested need read my writings; they read them in the privacy of their own home, with debates safely removed from my personal space; and I write much more clearly than I speak. There's also less pressure to respond in the moment - I have time to craft my thoughts so that they (hopefully) express the wisdom I wish to share.
So if I seem even quieter than usual, I'm simply saving it up for the next blog entry, article, or book. And if you really do want to hear what I have to say, keep reading!
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Steps Forward, Steps Back
I had such a horrible day yesterday, and all because of my attitude. I'm not sure why it happened, though I can speculate. Perhaps all the toxins I'm clearing out of my psyche caught up to me. A friend has a theory that anytime you try to get rid of an old pattern, the pattern (which is sort of an entity of its own) gets threatened and starts to fight back. Or maybe it was just a fluke.
Anyway, I felt fine when I woke up. But the non-arrival of some money my family expected threw me into a teary panic. I started trying to figure out how to manage to pay for the things I need to accomplish this week, which happens to be my daughter's birthday week, and deciding what could wait until later. My "solutions" were fear-based and really not that great.
At our homeschool classes in the afternoon, the girls weren't in the mood to participate. Especially my own kid, who was uncharacteristically stressed out. Go figure - kids often reflect the moods and energies of their parents. I ended up with a headache.
Later in the evening, there was a lot of arguing and bickering in the family. I much prefer harmony, and being in a fragile mood already, this squabbling was magnified in my mind to epic proportions. "Why aren't we happy? Am I offering the kids an abusive childhood? Should I have even had kids?" You can see how it went. Yuck.
I ended up going to bed with a book and hibernating. After a good night's sleep and lots of odd dreams, I woke up feeling much better. And I apologized for being so out of whack.
The 21-Day Consciousness Cleanse, along with the other spiritual work I've been doing, is a big deal for me. It can take a lot of energy to change old habits and ways of thinking. Instead of seeing a difficult day as evidence of failure, I think it's OK to fall back into the morass now and then. I've learned that really, truly, that's not how I want to live. Today I'm taking inspired actions and focusing on all the things that are positive in my life. I'm stepping forward again.
Anyway, I felt fine when I woke up. But the non-arrival of some money my family expected threw me into a teary panic. I started trying to figure out how to manage to pay for the things I need to accomplish this week, which happens to be my daughter's birthday week, and deciding what could wait until later. My "solutions" were fear-based and really not that great.
At our homeschool classes in the afternoon, the girls weren't in the mood to participate. Especially my own kid, who was uncharacteristically stressed out. Go figure - kids often reflect the moods and energies of their parents. I ended up with a headache.
Later in the evening, there was a lot of arguing and bickering in the family. I much prefer harmony, and being in a fragile mood already, this squabbling was magnified in my mind to epic proportions. "Why aren't we happy? Am I offering the kids an abusive childhood? Should I have even had kids?" You can see how it went. Yuck.
I ended up going to bed with a book and hibernating. After a good night's sleep and lots of odd dreams, I woke up feeling much better. And I apologized for being so out of whack.
The 21-Day Consciousness Cleanse, along with the other spiritual work I've been doing, is a big deal for me. It can take a lot of energy to change old habits and ways of thinking. Instead of seeing a difficult day as evidence of failure, I think it's OK to fall back into the morass now and then. I've learned that really, truly, that's not how I want to live. Today I'm taking inspired actions and focusing on all the things that are positive in my life. I'm stepping forward again.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)